Many of us have also discovered that once we start going to meetings, certain things become apparent. Personalities want to predominate instead of the principles of the Steps and Traditions. We make all kinds of mistakes trying to relate (or not relate) to other members. All our defects come to the fore. Our immediate impulse in such instances is to back away, point to the wrongs in the other person, or hide our resentment in our heart under a screen of rationalization and quietly burn. Some use it as an excuse to “go back out there” and do some more “research” on sexaholism.

What we eventually come to realize is that there’s something drastically wrong with every single one of us—besides the lust/sex thing! Typically, it’s that compulsive need to see the wrongs in others to cover our own. It’s these very wrongs that got us here! Such lies inside us are what we used to have to cover over with our “drug.” Without the drug, they become painfully apparent.

Sobriety and serenity result from righting these wrongs. Therefore, personality clashes are not only to be expected but seem to be par for the course, and dealing with them is part of our recovery.

These painful experiences, I believe, are essential for revealing what we really are inside and become catalysts for healing. Thus, forgiving one another and loving one another become the rallying cry of our Fellowship. And it comes about through our sins—exposing, confessing, making amends for, and overcoming them with God’s power and the forgiving help from our friends.

We really need each other! “Our common welfare comes first,” our First Tradition reads; “personal recovery depends on SA unity.”