I can’t do recovery by myself. That’s for sure. I have tried it often enough and failed. At the same time for me to be in recovery, and stay in recovery, I must do my own inventory. No one else can do it for me. As a matter of fact, no one else can even be certain that I am doing it — fearlessly and searchingly — when I do share it. No one else dares to pretend to know me well to do it. Therefore, these two things are true for me: I can’t do my own recovery, I must do my own inventory.

Other-people-doing-my-inventory was one of the elements I employed to get here (i.e., into my addiction to lust). Any criticism that was offered I took in, even if at the same time I argued most profusely. Others-doing-my-inventory was always a grand opportunity for me to flee from reality into my secrecy and shame. I’m sure that whenever this happens, no matter how long I live, I could do the same.

Our meeting format and guidelines are essential safeguards against our ingrained tendency to give and accept Other People’s Inventory. “No cross talk, please” and “No advice.”

I must do my own inventory only, in order to begin, continue, and remain in recovery. For me, other people doing my inventory can be a huge stumbling block upon which I can trip and fall. It is equally as dangerous and slippery for me to do another’s. I’m so good at it. I have been doing it for so long. Practice makes perfect. In addition, it’s been such a powerful force in keeping my addiction going.

I am aware that when I form my lists against another, whoever that may be, I can replenish my resentment bank account. As with many other careful investments there is always the cherished increase through interest (compounded, in fact). I was not in the program very long before I was forced into the awareness that resentment is as great or perhaps a greater addiction than lust, as destructive as lust is.

My doing another’s inventory is a fine tool, honed sharply, for maintaining my self-justifying skills. In fact, all aspects of my menial system are sharpened. I use it to blind myself to my own negative behavior. I find it handy for minimizing my actions, especially when compared to some people. There is a game people play called “Wooden Leg.” What do you expect from someone with a wooden leg? That works fine until you watch that Canadian who ice skates on one. So what do you expect from someone who has put up with all these things on my list? Poor Me!

An added harvest I’ve come to expect from my doing another’s inventory is that the other is almost certain to feel compelled to return the favor. We may get into an argument and become abusive, or go quiet and run away. Once more I have a set-up for returning to my addictive thinking, feeling, and acting. Through the years, I’ve noticed that relationships become strained or broken whenever another person and I exchange inventories. Much suffering, pain, and isolation comes out of such behavior. We have been invited to a new freedom and joy by the words of Jesus when he said, “Judge not,” and, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust that is in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank that is in your own eye?”

Now, in this Spiritual program given us by God, I have experienced how healing it is when I do my own inventory, no one else’s and no one else does mine. Recovery is possible only when I focus on the plank and let the others deal with their specks.

Keep coming back, it’s working.