The other day I learned a crucial lesson. I was feeling in a confrontative mood and was inappropriately (for meeting time anyway) challenging one after another for their lack of sobriety and recovery. A good friend of mine went last and had a slip and sounded confused in his sharing. Being disappointed, I also let him have it.
He left as we closed the meeting, and I began to sense how out of place I’d been as chairperson. However, I just tried to let it go and didn’t bother making amends for a couple days until I was literally on the verge of acting out. I prayed a desperate prayer of surrender and “help” immediately received the insight that my lust was a combination of pride and fear of being rejected by a friend. I was trying to act and feel like nothing was bothering me.
Being aware of these feelings wasn’t enough; I had to call my friend and go over to his place. We had a good talk, and then when I told him that I felt like I’d lost a friend, I cried. I had been completely out of touch with how deep the feeling was, and lust and acting out would have provided a convenient soother for those other feelings.
Later in reflection it struck me how the intense feeling of lust does provide a cover for deeper more painful feelings. Lust causes me to forget who I really am and eventually, if I keep acting out, the connection between feelings like fear, inadequacy, rejection, and lust becomes remote and that confusing state of despair and shame is all I know besides lust.
This became a Step Two awareness for me—God restoring me to sanity. It is insane to lust when my inner truth is fear of rejection! Also for me…I have to confess a pride that would prevent me from taking the actions to make amends. Simple awareness of the truth (inner vulnerable feelings) is not enough; I have to then act on the inner truth and do justice (make amends).
T.G., Regina, Saskatoon, Canada
My life has changed dramatically since finding out about SA. It’s really exciting to be involved and to watch the group grow.
R.S., Kirkland, Washington
I have just started in the SA group in Rochester, NY. I currently have 39 days of sobriety and am amazed at how much I’ve learned and how much I still need and want to learn since becoming sober. It is awesome the sheer power that can be found in sobriety and letting go. I am not very good at it yet but when I can (and have to to stay sober) I am so grateful.
R.Z., Rochester, New York
