In the White Book, it says that we identified with each other at the point of our weakness. I need to hear your struggles with lust in order to get in touch with my own lust. I need to hear your pain so I know I don’t want to go back out there. I need to hear your hope so I know there is a way out. I need you to be “specific but not graphic,” as one member puts it.

Over the last few years, it seems that many people no longer share about their lust in my local meetings. They don’t want to trigger anybody and they don’t want to be accused of not focusing on the solution. But when people are vague in their sharings, I don’t get anything out of it. I hear people say, “I was looking at stuff on the internet, but I got out of it,” or “I was having some thoughts about people that I shouldn’t have been having. That’s my share.” I need to hear the details of the shame and the pain that lust caused you, and the need for surrender. Then I need to hear the actions you took to allow the grace of God to enter in and expel the obsession.

Here is the kind of share that is helpful to me: “I hate how being in church is prime time for my addict. He hates it when I try to connect with my Higher Power. I was sitting in church and noticed the guy in front of me was young and attractive. I kept looking at his rear end and wanted to wonder what he looked like naked. I have poor custody of my eyes and they kept going back to him, even though I didn’t want to look. I can’t pay attention to the Mass with all this distraction. I tried to surrender the thoughts, but they do not go away. I knew the next step was some kind of action. I got up and moved so he was no longer in my line of vision to the altar. God’s grace entered in and I was able to pay attention to the rest of the service.”

Please don’t protect me from your lust. I need to hear it.