Solitary Self-Appraisal Insufficient

Whenever I try to hold something back from my sponsor or renewal partner, I find lust creeping back into my life with renewed vigor. In the AA chapter “Into Action” this quote is found: “…we usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient. …they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty…” (AA, Chapter 6). We find that most relapse comes from an insufficient Fifth Step (or Tenth Step). I have to tell ALL, or my diseased attitudes will kill me. Once back into my life, lust will fester and grow in the darkness, like a mold.

When I place a higher priority on ‘looking good,’ which is my pride and arrogance at work, than on surrender, I will suffer the consequences. In my religious tradition there’s a saying that says that God is stern with the arrogant and merciful with the humble. When I am stuck in my arrogance, I find that God usually has to get my attention with the proverbial two-by-four piece of lumber. However, when I humble myself, and tell my sponsor or another sexaholic about my latest diseased attitudes, then I always find that God is exceedingly merciful. I am only as sick as my darkest secret, and as I eliminate secrets, I find healing.

Today, I will ruthlessly root out my darkest secret and share it with another in a spirit of humility. God grant me the courage to be humble, fearless, and honest.


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