My battle against the addiction was devouring my insides, and the only way to cope with it was to project everything on those nearest to me. As the monks did in the Middle Ages when they flagellated their backs for having sinned, I flogged myself psychologically very hard and did that with others.

I discovered that my relationship with the other is always a reflection of my relationship with myself. That is why others reflect me to myself, showing me what I do not want to see. I resented them because I thought they showed me a “false image” of myself. Not the image of someone more evolved, more spiritual, but of someone like anybody else, the real image.

I spoke of humility. I thanked God, but in my heart there was no humility. I put my knee on the floor, but my heart was full of pride. Until, the mask fell off. That is difficult to talk about, because the words are very inaccurate to express that kind of experience. The fact was that I saw clearly in my mind the deception in which I was trapped.

It was painful, I have to admit it, but it was a healer. I stopped preoccupying myself in how others lived and focused on what I experienced. I discovered envy, intolerance, and the desire for recognition. And that was enough for me to change something from then on. Maybe nobody noticed this change, but that does not matter. I know there is a God who watches over us, and I know that they promised us a peace that is not of this world. I know that it is possible to experience it, a peace that heals everything.