Some of my earliest childhood memories are of obsession and preoccupation with touching the private parts of other children. Raised in a religious home, weekly attendance of church services was expected. Instead of healthy discussion there were punishments and threats of hellfire and eternal damnation. I developed the belief that anything to do with sex was evil, and since I was compulsively obsessed with it, I too, must be evil in my core.

I continuously delved deeper into lust, especially after being introduced to pornography at the age of 14. By age 18 I renounced any concept of belief in God for the satisfaction of carnal pleasures and material gain.

Instead of seeking help after my divorce I shut down emotionally. I turned to lust, drugs, and alcohol, wrapped in lies and manipulation, to try to bury the shame and self-hatred. After dating a single mother for about a year, I moved in with her and her children. I molested her oldest daughter, 6 at the time, within months of living together. When I was arrested, I plead guilty to lewd conduct with a minor under the age of 16. I was sentenced to 32 1/2 years, 7 1/2 years fixed. Believe it or not, being arrested and actually sentenced was one of the best things that has ever happened to me!

In county jail, awaiting sentencing, someone left a copy of “Step Into Action” for me to stumble across. Through working the 12 Steps, prayer and meditation, and rigorous honesty, especially with myself, I have found the promises in the Big Book to be absolutely true. God has done and continues to do for me what I never could – maintaining sexual sobriety and living a life I’m no longer ashamed of.

Though I still struggle at times, have doubts, fears, and anxieties, I choose to use the dark experiences from my past as lessons and opportunities for personal growth, to demonstrate that there is a different way.

Ask CFC

Dear Ask CFC, How do you ensure your own family’s safety and anonymity when writing to SA prisoners?

Dear … , Anonymity is something we take very seriously. We always suggest using the Intergroup PO Box address as your return address. Another common suggestion is – using one’s middle name or initial or creating a name other than your own, simply for anonymity.

When it comes to sharing, this is entirely between the sponsor or first responder and their Higher Power. We suggest talking to your sponsor or your CFC group if you are not sure. Remember, ours is a ‘we’ program of support. Some prisons require a full name for delivery, rather than first name, last initial.

Using one’s middle name or another name serves the purpose of allowing the SA message to reach those asking for help.

Have Questions for ‘Ask CFC?’ Send to sacfc1@gmail.com