In 2014 I first heard about the program of SA. I identified myself with it, I knew I needed it, but I did not dare take the step and join the program. There were many prejudices in me that prevented me from doing so. I was afraid: I thought they were going to judge me and condemn me since I was leading a double life, a double moral standard, since within my religion, in 2002, I had made the decision to consecrate my life to God and I had fallen, I had failed God.

As the addiction was still progressing, I had begun acting out at the end of 2013. I thought I could control it and I decided to live in abstinence. For days, weeks, even months I almost always achieved my goal; but once those times ended, I would relapse again.

At the beginning of 2017 I had my first face-to-face meeting in Bogotá with two fellows, a man and a woman, and once more I admitted that I was an addict; but my prejudices would not let me come into the program, my sickness would say to me: “They will point out to you, they will judge you. You will be a cause of scandal. You will no longer be able to publish your profile photo, and what if your community becomes aware that you are an addict? You will have to leave it.” And I continued living in slavery.

I kept on receiving my WhatsApp daily literature from SA, thanks to another fellow; but I kept on being stubborn, trying to control it; until, tired of sporadic periods of abstinence, I wanted to stop definitively, but I could not. It was there where I realized that I had lost control, I was desperate, tired, with much sadness, and I did not understand why in my addiction I was always relapsing, doing what I never did in my adolescence and youth; that which at that time was a life of sin for me.

I had to give up, recognizing that I was not capable to do it alone, I had to admit I could not do it, and it was at that moment that I had an encounter with my Higher Power that gave me the strength and courage to get into the program. But upon entering the program, the prejudices came back, I had to get a sponsor, and I said to myself “She cannot be just anybody”; “She must belong to my same religion.”

Thanks to the Fellowship which embraced me and listened to me without condemnation, I began to have a real relationship with my Higher Power, and I began to regain my peace.

HP granted me a wonderful sponsor. She was not of the same religion as mine, but there developed a relationship of closeness and trust that came to us at the time we communicated with each other by video call. The fear that the fellowship would become aware of the lifestyle I had been leading, was disappearing. Within my recovery process I have had two relapses, due to my lack of using recovery tools at the critical time, but I have learned from this.

There was an interruption in my process with my first sponsor in April of 2020 and the prejudices to choose a new sponsor came back, and I thought I would have a temporary sponsor until I could muster confidence, but thanks to another fellow, I understood that the sponsor is not there to be chosen, that it is a gift from my HP, and in May of this year the HP granted me another wonderful sponsor. I am working the Steps with her, knowing that I cannot do it on my own, that I am powerless over lust, over my character defects and over many situations that come up in my life. I am not in control so I turn it over to my HP.