I am sober by the SA sobriety definition eight years now, by the grace of a Higher Power. I like the number eight because it reminds me of the infinity sign. And even though I’m still learning to live within the day, the program offers me endless hope, day by day.

One of the texts of our literature warns us that the path will not be easy, and it is true. However, the easiest thing in my recovery was to start writing the Steps as per the book, Step into Action. From the very start, I believed in the solution and plunged into the recovery process under the sensitive and specific guidance of my sponsor, and based on our SA literature.

As there are no face-to-face SA meetings in my region, I tried to plan my days in such a way as to visit as many online groups as possible, and made certain I shared whenever the opportunity came. SA provided me with many opportunities to share and so it was deeply fulfilling for me to become part of the global fellowship and participate in all SA events, such as: online conventions in different countries, online round tables—the purpose of which was to carry our message to doctors and psychologists.

One especially enjoyable activity in becoming part of the fellowship was participation in the ESSAY Recovery Game, where positive recovery tools are practiced on a daily basis and recovery habits formed. I have always been inspired by the testimonies of those who have embraced the program, to hear how their lives have changed so much.

When I first worked on the shortcomings of my character, I hoped afterwards that life would conform to my will and become non-stop wonderful. But no sooner had I completed all 12 Steps with my sponsor’s congratulations, than a series of trials befell me. Again I had to look at my anger in particular; how very angry I am! However I did not lose hope and continued to hand my life and my will over to the care of God. I also needed to take action about my anger so that it wouldn’t kill me.

The Step 4 prayer about getting rid of anger became my sigh and exhale. Gradually, I became free of my hatred towards those who caused my heartache. And then I felt fear for my life because increasingly I felt value and respect for my life. I was so glad to feel this because before then, I hated my life and just changed one addiction for another, always devaluing the gift of life, never seeing any meaning in it if there could be no euphoric pleasure involved.

Before the program, I always asked God to spare me from pain and from suffering; to whisk me away to heaven so I would only feel good things. Today, I acknowledge pain and emotions and hand them over to God in case they overwhelm me. I must deal with my emotions. I know, from personal experience, how sick I can become—even physically—when I suppress my emotions with addictive thinking and behavior.

The most important thing I ask of God today is for peace of mind and to hold in my heart as much of His love as I can. Today I also pray for the courage to live life on life’s terms; to stay the course through whatever pain comes my way so that I can develop my character with the wisdom that God provides to all who ask Him for it.