Taken from the AS Brief, no. 18, 1995, Germany

I went to meetings and tried to live in the Program. I got closer to God, talked “about” the Steps, called people up—and some things changed in my life—but I was still in control. Only after I came back from a four-month residential treatment program, when my current relationship fell apart, when I didn’t have a job anymore—when I was just confronted with myself and without my drug—only then could I finally surrender to the fact that I couldn’t manage my own life.

So I asked God for help. I prayed on my knees for up to three months for him to send me a sponsor who could help me with the Steps. And I got a sponsor who herself had worked the Steps with her sponsor, very simply, one Step at a time. The important thing for me was that we didn’t just talk about the Steps or apply one here and there, but that I actually did these Steps. And that meant when it said we took inventory, then we took inventory. And inventory meant not just looking on a shelf now and again, but to do a complete stock-taking.

What was also very important for me was that I simply did what my sponsor told me, even when I had a thousand “Yes, buts.” It was a challenge simply to trust God and her, and to overcome my pride, instead of always rebelling and muddling through on my own. My experience has shown me again and again what happens when I’m at the wheel, and as a rule it wasn’t much.

I can honestly say that for me the Twelve Promises have become a reality. Of course I still have plenty of work to do, but now I have the necessary tools to manage my life, and above all a Helper who is always with me and will never leave me: God as I understand him. With his help I try a day at a time to be grown-up, to be his instrument and to do his will to the best of my ability.

I would particularly like to thank my sponsor for continually getting me to look to God for guidance because that’s the only way I can switch my dependency on people to dependency on God—and therefore become truly free.