(The following is adapted from a letter by Roy K. on the question of loners in SA starting their own groups.)

First, I’ve got to take responsibility for myself. Of the dozen or so loners in foreign countries I know of who have not been able to stay sober and where groups have not formed, there is one fact in common: They never found their Dr. Bob. That is, they never found one other sexaholic who wanted sobriety. They tried to do it on their own or have it done for them in a ready-made group. They did not come to the desperate willingness to reach out to another and try to help them. That’s where the grace of God comes in to expel the obsession.

I now say to anyone, newcomer and oldtimer slipper alike: If you want what this program has to offer, you’re going to have to give it away to someone else and keep giving it away. Find your Dr. Bob! This is what I had to do. If you’re willing and seeking another, you will find.

This is what Bill W. of AA had to do. Sober six months, away from home on a business trip, he found himself on the verge of a slip. He paced the lobby of his hotel, fighting the temptation to join the people at the bar for a drink. At the other end of the lobby was a church directory. It was either the directory or the bar.

Bill knew that for him to drink was to die. So instead, he called one of the many clergymen listed on the directory, asking for help to get in touch with another drunk to talk to. The clergyman gave him ten names of people who might direct Bill to another drunk. Bill called all ten without getting the name of a single drunk. But one man knew a woman who knew of one, who turned out to be Dr. Bob. Thus, a fellowship was born, but more importantly, Bill W. saved his own life by reaching out to one other drunk.

How find such a one? First pray and ask God. There’s someone in your neighborhood who is probably dying of this thing.

“Near you, alcoholics are dying helplessly like people in a sinking ship. If you live in a large place, there are hundreds. High and low, rich and poor, these are future fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. Among them you will make lifelong friends. You will be bound to them with new and wonderful ties, for you will escape disaster together and you will commence shoulder to shoulder your common journey. Then you will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full meaning of ‘Love thy neighbor as thyself.’” (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 152.)

Go to priests, ministers, therapists. Tell them your story and hand them an SA brochure. Go to other 12-Step meetings and dare tell the truth on yourself. You’ll be surprised that there are others just waiting for another member to spill the beans on their sexaholism, waiting for someone with whom they can identify. Sure, you’ll get laughter or rejection. So What? You’re doing this for yourself.

Then, when you find that one, you tell them your own story and stick with them in helping them — because you need this for yourself!

Read also from the Big Book of AA, from the Forward to the First Edition, and page 164:
“Still you may say: ‘But I will not have the benefit of contact with you who write this book.’ We cannot be sure. God will determine that, so you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.”

Also, see page 15 and elsewhere:
“My wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution of their problems.… I was not too well at the time, and was plagued by waves of self-pity and resentment. This sometimes nearly drove me back to drink, but I soon found that when all other measures failed, work with another alcoholic would save the day.… It is a design for living that works in rough going.”

This is the answer not only for loners, but for every single sexaholic, regardless of whether he has a group or not! This is the 12-Step program!

Page 89 in “Working with Others”:
“Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail.”