“Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable” (AA, p. 568).

Conference attendees were asked to write some of their thoughts and experiences on the conference theme—Honesty, Open Mindedness and Willingness—for sharing with the Fellowship at large. The conference organizers and the Essay wish to thank those who shared. Following is a selection from almost 150 submissions.

Honesty

I cannot develop a relationship with my Higher Power as long as there are known defects of character in my life that I haven’t surrendered. Honesty is absolutely necessary for true recovery.

Through getting honest with myself about my fears of being in social situations, I was able to surrender this fear to God. He lifted the fear enough to allow me to step out and meet other SAs. I gained so much from the one-on-one conversations with people I had never met before. I am truly grateful that God lifted the fear and granted me this opportunity.

What I have received at the HOW conference is a deep sense of the importance of honesty. The ability to “tell on my addict” and to keep “telling on my addict” is a foundation of my program. The other thing I heard is that the only way I can be honest is through the grace of God in my life. I can do nothing in the program but through Him.

HOW am I doing it? When I’m honest—telling the truth for the first time in my life. When I’m open-minded—listening to others who have been there who show me how to do it. When I’m willing—realizing I can’t do it after all, and admit I’m not doing it—God is doing it for me.

Honesty for me is like a self-cleaning oven for the soul.

Open Mindedness

In a breakout session, I found myself falling into my habit of judging other members of the group, deciding who was the most sincere, who was the most sober, who was the better speaker, etc. I would rank myself and feed my insatiable ego. But at this session, one member shared that he saw God in each of his fellows. Knowing the truth in this, I realized I’d been judging and comparing God’s work—the height of arrogance. Instead of ranking, I decided I ought to be participating in recovery, both theirs and mine. I had not been open to hearing God speak.

The honesty of those who shared, the willingness of so many to go to any lengths to be here, the many years of collective sobriety here, has been a great source of encouragement to me to stay on the path of recovery. Connecting with so many other women has helped me to feel connected again to SA as a whole.

I realized at the conference that I was feeling resentment because I was moving to North America to live here for the first time. I thought I deserved to be able to check out all the sexual possibilities this continent had to offer before committing myself to sobriety here. But the conference put me in touch with hundreds of people who are willing to be in recovery.

At first I was scared of the total revolution in my life that seemed to be demanded, but I have also been wonderfully encouraged by the enthusiasm of so many speakers, and the stories of the promises coming true in people’s lives. And even more importantly, seeing the promises alive in their lives. I’m strengthened once more to keep coming back.

Willingness

There must be a part of me that still refuses to let go because the willingness part of the HOW really appeals to me. Seeing so many people gathered in one place that are “willing to go to any lengths” to achieve sobriety is a very powerful reminder that recovery is possible if I am willing to let God do for me what I can’t do for myself.

I have been in continual emotional pain for most of this conference, which is no exception from my emotional state for years. What is different is that during these three days I’ve heard a lot of stories that give me courage to “stay the course” in the SA program in the hope that serenity will one day become my experience.

I have an underlying unwillingness in my life. I don’t want to work this program. I have to get this out into the light so that I don’t have to live another double life. But I can live this program for another day, today. God help me to be willing.

Working with my sponsor has taught me to trust God and make decisions. My sponsor has simply shown me the choices, I must do the work.

I need to pray for willingness to do my Fifth Step, and to formally settle on a sponsor, even if I don’t feel like it. I need to keep on moving forward in this program of recovery. I don’t want to slip or relapse.

An interesting concept expressed in one of the sessions, and very helpful to me, was that I need to surrender each character defect, one by one, for all time, not just till the next time. In other words, this (anger, resentment, codependency) is not an option in my life anymore. I am now renewing the spirit of Steps Six and Seven, and giving up my right to resent any of the speedy, daring drivers around me.

I need to do prison work and other service work to stay sober. I realize I need to get out of myself and help others. Especially if I am struggling, I need to carry the message, as Bill W. did to Dr. Bob.