“Keep It Simple?”

I recently attended an SA meeting that is not in my regular circuit, due to its time and location. However, I had directed a newcomer there and thought that as I had the day off from work, I would make the effort to meet up with him.

The meeting began as most meetings in this area do, with a reading of the SA Purpose. I began to settle into a place of comfort and security as I listened to those familiar words being read. Next we went around the room and introduced ourselves and stated our respective lengths of sobriety. This further added to my feelings of peacefulness as I listened to quite a few members share their sobriety dates beginning in the last century.

But my feelings of serenity were soon short-circuited as the chairperson next lighted a candle, turned off the lights, and said that we would now have “Five full minutes of Silent Meditation.” My mind began to race uncontrollably with thoughts such as “What is this, a séance? Where am I, in church? What happened to the SA meeting I sat down in a few moments ago? I hope these guys don’t pull out a Ouija Board and try to bring back Jess L. I wonder what the new guy thinks about all this?” Thankfully, when the candle was finally extinguished in what seemed like five hours later, we returned to the SA meeting and members began to lead with their weakness.

On leaving I began to wonder “Are those guys turning SA into a cult, or a worship service?” As this was not my home group, I decided to dismiss my concerns, rationalizing that this was probably an isolated incident and would not affect SA as a whole.

The other night I rode with friends to an SA meeting a little closer to my hometown. Imagine my surprise when the chairperson pulled out a pack of matches and asked for a volunteer to light the candle so that we might begin the four-minute silent meditation period. On the ride home I mentioned my discomfort to my sponsor. He then cautioned me about another local meeting that has extended their opening ceremony (and I use that word intentionally) to include a full fifteen minutes of silent meditation. “Oh no, the cult is spreading,” my mind screamed!

Don’t misunderstand me; I have nothing against candles or silent meditation. I use both in the privacy of my home when I am seeking quiet time alone with my Higher Power. But at the group level, we need to be aware of the message we are carrying to the newcomer. As sober and recovering members of SA, we have a responsibility to give back to the newcomer the same SA program that was freely given to us when we first came into the rooms. Our 5th Tradition reminds us that “Each group has but one primary purpose — to carry its message to the sexaholic who still suffers.” That message is recovery from lust and sexual sobriety. I believe that we fail that purpose when we start mixing our personal meditation practices into our group-meeting format.

Picture this. After living in the shame, secrecy, and darkness of the addiction for many years, a man (or woman) finds the courage to reach out for help. Upon calling a number in the telephone directory, they are directed to a noontime meeting in the downtown section of a big city. Their anxiety level begins to rise as unexpected traffic congestion delays their arrival at the meeting location. Leaving the bright sunshine of the mid-day sun, they enter the dimly lit interior of the church and find their way to the basement stairs. Their body is full of fear, as they don’t know what to expect from a room full of sex addicts, but they have promised to themselves that they would go through with this. Their heart is pounding in their chest as they turn the doorknob and step into the room full of…darkness? A burning candle? Total silence? Indistinguishable faces in the flickering light? “The hell with this, I’m outta here!”

AA has a saying that is referred to as the ‘Responsibility Statement’ and it goes something like this: “When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for that I am responsible.” By maintaining a pure and simple form, AA has managed to be there for nearly seven decades. I would like to think that the hand of SA would be there for future generations as well. I am afraid that the still suffering sexaholic might not recognize it amidst all the candle smoke and darkened rooms if this local trend begins to spread throughout our fellowship. In his final words, Dr. Bob cautioned Bill W. to “keep it simple.” May I suggest that we in SA do the same.

Greetings From the Philippines!

My name is Bobby S. and I am a recovering sexaholic. At the moment I am working as a full-time staff member of a 3 month Assisted Renewal Program for priests in the Philippines and neighboring Asian countries. A good number of these priests are having sexual problems as I have. This morning I was requested to present to them the Spirituality of the 12 Steps in the light of SA principles. With the help of God’s grace I was able to share my experience, strength and hope.

Five of them showed interest to join SA. So, we are forming an SA meeting here for them every Saturday morning at 8:00 a.m. I’m just happy to share my joy of spreading the SA message in my own simple and humble way, especially to fellow priests who are still struggling. God bless us all with more positive and quality sobriety.