The following is an exercise that I have found helpful for getting a sponsee started on working Step One:

The sponsee is directed to take key words from the text of Step One and write out the dictionary meaning for each of the words:

“We admitted we were powerless over lust—that our lives had become unmanageable.”

Then I and the sponsee sit down to look over the results of this assignment: a sheet full of definitions, and circle the ones that seemed most applicable. The list looks something like this:

Admit: to allow to enter; grant or afford entrance to, to let in, to leave room for or permit; to concede or grant, to acknowledge or avow, to confess.

Powerless: unable to produce an effort, ineffective, completely lacking power to act, without authority, helpless, incapable.

Lust: For this exercise, the sponsee is asked to use the Sexaholics Anonymous definition of “an attitude demanding that a natural instinct serve unnatural desires” (p. 40).

Lives: the state in which animals and plants exist which distinguishes them from inorganic substances; that vital state, the loss of which means death; the period of animate existence from birth until death, or a part or specific aspect of it, energy and animation; possessing life; living; alive; human existence or affairs.

Unmanageable: uncontrollable; incapable of being managed—which is to direct or conduct the affairs or interests of; to cause to do one’s bidding.

I point out that while there is much room for debate over just what we mean by “our lives,” most people would agree that it encompasses our thoughts, feelings and actions.

The sponsee is next asked to write a short list of the acting-out behaviors or triggers that brought him to the program. One list of behaviors looked like this:

• Masturbation
• Internet chat rooms
• Internet images
• Objectification of women and girls
• Pornographic images and videos
• Triggering non-pornographic images

Drawing from these results, we write out the sponsee’s own version of Step One and read it aloud:

“I concede that I am completely incapable of handling masturbation, internet images, chat rooms, objectification and pornography, and that I have lost control over my thoughts, feelings and actions.”

The sponsee is then directed to keep his personal Step One on hand and in mind, and to begin writing his formal First Step story.