Mixed face-to-face meetings are a great place for me to learn to respect myself in the presence of men. I have the option to go to a women-only meeting, but I have found (after hiding out in that women’s meeting for a year or two) that the mixed face-to-face meetings are 10 times better for my recovery and healing. In mixed meetings, I can see that the men appreciate my presence because they say my shares have helped them.

One thing that has been healing is the fact that some of the male members come up to me after a meeting to say “Thank You” for my share (even though I haven’t asked for comments or feedback). Then they leave without any more comments or words. This in itself is also good. I see that they are working their programs by not trying to link eyes and not making any further comments.

I have learned that respect is a key for my recovery. When I don’t act out with other men, I respect them. When I don’t flirt with men, I respect them. When I don’t act out or engage in fantasy, I respect my body and myself.

I have had to practice this respect this past weekend and today, by giving up an activity (for a day, because of one day at a time) that I love to do (ballroom dancing). With the help of my sponsor, I realized that I needed to take a break from seeing or having any more contact with my dance partner, because I already had a lot. A lot, meaning one dance class this past Thursday and one dance party/practice this past Saturday.

What I have learned in the program is priceless. I cannot ever repay SA for what I have been given back: my life and a way of life that gives me serenity.

I have also learned that I desire to be sober in SA more than I want to have a boyfriend or act out and live in turmoil and despair. Acting out to me equals near death. I don’t want to die; I want to live.

Thank you SA for giving me what I need to learn to respect myself. Thank you men and women for sharing what works for you. You are like me and I am like you. I am not alone.