July 2009 International Convention, Denver, CO

I didn’t want to go to the SA convention, “Serenity in the Rockies.” The title seemed cheesy to me, and I hadn’t experienced anything close to serenity in a long time. But my sponsor had instructed me to go, and I reluctantly agreed. I was still mad at him because of the flight. We had planned to travel together, and he had said he would buy the tickets. Two weeks before the convention, he still hadn’t purchased the tickets. I couldn’t wait and purchased my own ticket. The only ticket I could afford left Denver at 7:00 Sunday evening and arrived back home at 1:00 a.m. on Monday!

When I got to the conference on Friday afternoon, I was profoundly uncomfortable. My fellow sexaholics walked around the hotel—a public place—wearing badges around their necks with “SA” written in red. Just like the Scarlet Letter I had read about in high school! On Friday night I took off my badge whenever I talked to the hotel staff. I didn’t want them to know I was one of those people. Worse still, I was embarrassed to be on stage at the “birthday party” receiving a chip for 28 days of sobriety, when I had been in various sex addiction programs for almost 18 years.

As the weekend went on, I received wisdom from each workshop, and got to know people through their shares and through conversations at meals. I learned so much from so many people, and I found I had something to offer to others when I shared honestly and led with my weakness. By midday Saturday, I had lost track of when I was wearing my badge and when I wasn’t. I didn’t care.

By Saturday night, I was burned out and I missed my family terribly. I felt sorry for my wife, who was home managing the kids by herself all weekend. Once again I tried to assert my will. I called the airline to see if I could get the flight changed to an earlier time. They couldn’t make any promises. I could come to the airport the next morning and take my chances on the stand-by list, they said. “Maybe God wants me to be here tomorrow,” I thought. I decided to ask for help. I went downstairs and asked a few guys from Colorado what I could see the next day that was within driving distance. They had plenty of suggestions about what to see and how to get there. I could even rent a car from the hotel and leave it at the airport!

The next morning I left the conference early, jumped in the car and drove into the mountains. It was my thirtieth day of sobriety. For the next few hours I saw some of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen. I spent the entire day alone, yet was at peace. The mountains on my chip came to life before me. I literally experienced Serenity in the Rockies. What a gift to see that if I follow directions, ask for help, and I follow God’s will for me rather than my own, then the promises—“We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace”—begin to come true in such a short time.