Early on in my sobriety adventure with Sexaholics Anonymous, I heard the expression “One day at a time.” At the time my marriage was on the line and my acting out had caused me a lot of trouble. I wanted to be free from this sexaholic life for more than one day!

Over the years, however, I’ve come to appreciate the phrase more and more. I suppose the change began as I realized that the Twelve Step program handed to us by Alcoholics Anonymous grew out of some drunks’ experience with sobriety. Nothing more, nothing less. The stories and the suggestions published in Alcoholics Anonymous were the result of members trying many new behaviors and keeping only the ones that worked. Any theorizing about recovery from alcoholism was left to others; the AAs were focused on saving their lives. Thus, they learned that living “one day at a time” resulted from living each day sober and coping with the ever-present power of addiction.

When I came to SA in 1988, our “White Book” was an 8 1/2 × 11-inch booklet in typewriter script. The contents, however, were dependent on the experience passed on from AA plus the experience of the pioneer sexaholics whose successful sexual sobriety transformed their lives. Living on a 24-hour basis was an essential part of that sobriety.

As I stopped resisting the truth that recovery is one day at a time and began to live it, an amazing thing happened. I discovered that working this program got much easier. I came to realize that only today do I need to not touch myself, to not fantasize, to make a phone call, to go to a meeting, and to pray and to read. There was no reason to obsess about yesterday and no need to try to control tomorrow. Indeed, as I kept working Steps Two and Three, I discovered that I had a Higher Power who was willing and able to take care of my past and my future—if I would simply remain connected to Him in the present. For several years this Higher Power was the program, as well as my fellow sexaholics at meetings. Over time, I moved “humanity” into that Higher Power role. For many years, though, I’ve been comfortable saying that it is God who takes care of the past and future, though I might still add “God, as I understand Him,” as stated in the italics of Steps Three and Eleven.

I guess that’s at the core of what I’ve learned about sobriety over the past 25 years. If I stay sober today and work my program today and connect with God today, I will be fine. If I begin my day by saying, “God, whatever you want to have happen in my life today is fine by me,” then that is what will happen. If I go through each day, regardless of my opinions about what’s happening, saying over and over, “Thank you, God,” then I have great days. In fact, most of the time, I am happy, joyous, and free today.

Frequently I tell people in our program that SA is not for those who can choose to be sober. That’s not what powerlessness over lust is. However, SA is a program for those who desire to be sober, one day at a time, and are willing to work the Steps to get that result. Then we get that spiritual awakening promised in Step Twelve, and in that spiritual awakening I have always found sobriety. For that, I am thankful!