Introducing New GDA Chair

Some of us come into these rooms crawling on our hands and knees because we know we have no option other than to stop our destructive way of life. Others, like myself, are pushed into these rooms and—if we are fortunate—we too discover that we had no other options, that our lives are unmanageable, and that we are insane.

I came into SA at the strong suggestion of the State of California. I had been released from prison for a sexual offense, and as a requirement of my parole, I was to attend a therapy group and SA. Although I had the court papers to prove that I needed to be there, I was certain that I was not a sexaholic. I remember telling my wife, “I’ve got to go to this sex addiction class.” She said, “You’re not a sex addict.” I said, “Yeah, I know.” Little did she know, and little did I know.

Full of denial and quick to minimize my situation, I began attending SA meetings. In the rooms of SA, I heard members share stories of powerlessness and unmanageability over sex addiction. Their stories seemed strangely familiar. As my denial began to wane, I came to realize that these stories were also my story. They seemed so familiar to me because I too am a sex addict, and I have been one since childhood.

In the meetings I heard stories of hope. Lives were being transformed through the working of the program. I was introduced to the Twelve Steps, and I began studying and working them on a daily basis. I was introduced to the Twelve Traditions and I learned how these too could be applied to all aspects of my life.

Alcoholics Anonymous tells me that, “Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us” (77). Again, it tells me that, “Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others…” (102). I heard slogans like “Service to others,” “Give back what you have been given,” and “You can’t keep it if you don’t give it away.” Those are just a few of the recovery slogans that have inspired me to work the Third Legacy.

As I have served others and have given back to the program, my attitude has changed. Self-seeking and selfishness are just two of the character defects that no longer run my life. They are still there, but through serving others I have a chance to get out of my head and experience what I believe is my Higher Power’s true calling for all of us: serving others.

From very early in recovery I have found places to be of service. I continue to serve at the group, Intergroup, regional, and international levels. In my journey down the service structure, I have found that God truly has done for me what I could never have done for myself. Through service, God has given me back my dignity. Through service, I have experienced a level of integrity.

This whole program that is called Sexaholics Anonymous is amazing. It has taken an undeserving sex drunk like myself on one of the greatest adventures of my life. It offers me 36 simple principles—the Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, and Twelve Concepts—which, if worked on a daily basis, will keep me sober one more day. This has worked for me for the last 19 years. I know it will work for 24 more hours. It has to work, because my life depends on it.

One of the last times Roy K. spoke, he said, “I’m not lust free, but I am free not to lust.” I knew what he meant: the Steps, Traditions, and Concepts of Service are what will help me to be “free not to lust,” one day at a time. I now look forward to continuing my journey by serving SA as the new Chair of the General Delegate Assembly.