This summer I attended the SA International convention in Denver. While there I went to a baseball game. While there I talked with a man sitting beside me. After some baseball talk we got to what convention brought us to Denver. I said my convention was a non-profit organization, and he said he was there for a medical convention. We were interrupted by a food and beverage vendor. I thought I had successfully diverted his question, but eventually he brought it up again, “What was the nature of your convention?”

I’ve faced this question numerous times. First with family, which was very awkward because I was still uncomfortable with my own disease back then. Another time I sent an SA email to a large group, and received a “You must have included me by mistake” reply from a co-worker. I replied, “Sorry. Now you know more about me than I intended to divulge.” One time a group of us attended a church service while at a Regional Retreat. The friendly hostess at the post-church reception asked, “What is your retreat about?” I replied that it was a Twelve Step retreat, like Alcoholics Anonymous. She was still curious. “What is your addiction?” she asked. So I told her. “Oh” was all she said, as she walked back to the kitchen.

Encounters like this have taught me that although people ask, they usually don’t really want to know. Explaining the distinction between an addiction to lust versus sex is awkward. Trying to assure people that we’re really not a convention of active predators only seems to stoke their fears. So, I have learned to say, “It’s a convention for people who have become addicted to pornography.” It is not a lie. It has always been positively received. The baseball game man replied, “Oh, that’s such a wonderful ministry, and so badly needed.” We then resumed our conversation about baseball, politics, our families, etc.

Telling people that I’m in a fellowship for people addicted to pornography relieves them of a burden of not knowing how to respond. Some people want additional information, and I freely give it. Most do not. I have found this to be the most compassionate way to disclose the nature of my addiction, and I recommend this to my sponsees as well. You might find it works for you too.