For over twenty years I lived in the merciless downward spiral of Lust. As my disease progressed, the unmanageability increased, the consequences were greater, and I was powerless to save myself. By the Grace of God, over 9 years ago I walked into a meeting of SA and was given the gift of freedom. Yet, that gift of freedom did not happen overnight nor by accident. It took many years of good Step work and quality sponsorship to get to a comfortable and clean sobriety.

During these years I received and offered sponsorship. There is a challenge many sponsees and sponsors face – the “never-never land” of Step Four. We see a newcomer plunge into recovery with hopes and aspirations. He or she gets a sponsor and jumps into reading and writing. Their eyes clear up, they hold their heads a bit higher, and they stand a bit straighter. The spark of hope and healing shines forth.

Later we see a different picture. The shoulders have fallen once again. Yes, they say they are sexually sober. They are showing up to meetings. However, they can’t find that promised happiness and joy. Upon further examination, we notice that they really are maintaining their physical sobriety by “getting current” and staying accountable. What was once a spiritual journey of change and hope, has become a trap.

The key, I believe, lies in effective sponsorship. Here are some suggestions I’ve found help keep the sponsorship process focused, productive, and effective. Please take what you like and leave the rest!

• The sponsor relationship is for the purpose of Step work only. The Steps process should take 3-5 months at the most. There are good guides to working the Steps at a faster and more effective pace, such as “Back to Basics” by Wally P.

• Meet face-to-face for one hour once a week. During that hour ONLY talk about the Step you are working. DO NOT LET THE SPONSEE GET CURRENT THEN, NO MATTER HOW TEMPTING. Stay focused on the Step. Between the weekly meetings, the sponsee could and should get current.

• Use a one page 4th Step worksheet. The SPONSOR should do the writing and get it done in ONE session (1 to 1.5 hours).

• Spend the bulk of discussion of the inventory in Steps 6 & 7, NOT Steps 4 & 5. The confidence and momentum that the sponsee will get from knowing that he or she is past the 4th Step is amazing.

Add your own thoughts and experience to this partial list. We must keep sponsorship effective so that we can carry the message and save lives – one day at a time!!