The saying goes, “We’re as sick as our secrets.” I now also think that “We’re as sick as our stories.” My sponsor surprised me when we did our first Fifth Step by limiting my second column sharing to “ten words or less.” I was ready to explain the psychological nuances of everyone listed in my Fourth Step.
Fantasies in my life want to corrupt the real. They are not from God. They want to kill me. It’s the highest form of selfishness relating to my life during a 24-hour period. They are an enormous danger to my freedom. So I pray to God and beg him to give me the program actions during the day to live in the real world—not in fantasy.
No one as a child growing up ever thinks they might one day end up in jail or as a sexaholic. Yet, that’s what happened to me. I am a female sexaholic, sober since January 19, 2020.
Kathy describes in great detail what has been making her grow relationally for the last 12 years. She talks about her lifelong passion to have healthy relationships and the many answers she has found in SA.
I read with great interest the May issue on What Makes Meeting Strong? It made me reflect on the importance of SA meetings for my recovery, especially when the global lockdown could potentially have shut down SA meetings. Fortunately, our fellowship has responded strongly by using virtual meetings.
Dear Essay readers, I was asked to introduce this special edition, as I had the wonderful privilege to chair last May’s worldwide online event “Supporting Women in SA.” You may have wondered why it is necessary to support women in SA or thought it is an outside issue or a controversial topic. Well, then this issue of Essay is for you.
I am grateful for the miracle of SA International Conventions where I have been blessed to meet so many who have recovered or are recovering from the addiction to lust.
SA is my home today, but it hasn’t always been like that. I came into the fellowship in 2008, after a few ineffective years in two other S-fellowships and with a lot of “over my dead body” ideas. I wasn’t even sure SA was for me, because I couldn’t identify with the strict boundaries of Sobriety Definition.
I brought a friend into the program, and encouraged her to feel free to share anything with her sponsor. She said, “Anything?” And I answered, “Yes, anything and everything.” Then I shared more of my experience, strength, and hope with her. She asked if I could be her sponsor.
Lust corrupted my childhood. I was violated when I was very young—an inappropriate act that distorted my perception of sexuality, reality, and love. For years afterward I went around with an aching, infinite emptiness inside me. I bandaged the pain with a blindfold and contented myself to live in darkness, like someone living down a deep water well.
