I am a grateful recovering sexaholic and an orthodox Jew. I have been obsessed with sex and lust almost as long as I can remember. I can recall at age twelve, sitting in the bathroom in Israel, playing with myself. By age thirteen, I was masturbating compulsively.
In September, three members of the Correctional Facilities Team of our Inter-group completed training to become One-on-One mentors in the County Detention center. Our Team has made two unsuccessful efforts to enter other county jails here in our area. Now, we have been given the opportunity to Twelfth Step some of the prisoners.
My name is Brad and I’m an addict. A SAD addict. That’s not the state of my condition; it’s the state of my life. SAD stands for Sex, Alcohol and Drugs. These aren’t the only addictions I have.
At an international conference sometime in the early 1990s, I was standing at the entrance of the hotel restaurant and I noticed some papers lying by the cash register. I picked them up and read: “Desire for Sobriety: daily renewal with sobriety partners.” I thought, hmmm, probably this wasn’t meant to be left by the cash register.
I think for me, the most important Step was Step “0.” So, before I attempted to do the SA Twelve Steps, I’ve been working on Step Zero. Here’s a format I wrote, answered, and read to my Accountability Partner and my Sponsor.
The Sexaholics Anonymous (White Book) material on the 5th Step provides excellent guidance for both the person presenting and the one hearing the Step. The book says, “Ideally, the Fifth Step should be taken with one’s sponsor…” I strongly agree. The 5th Step is addressed in Chapter 6 of Alcoholics Anonymous, “Into Action.” I encourage you to read these sections of both books prior to meeting with your sponsor.
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I learned rage and anger early on. Why? I was neglected as a child. I was snubbed by all the beauties in high school. I was rejected by the snobs and socialites and laughed at by the affluent. I was bullied by the big jocks and harassed by the smart alecks. I was a loser at all sports and taken advantage of by the losers who were the only ones I was comfortable with. I know what it is to feel like a nobody and a nothing.
After completing my first four Steps, I wrote this essay describing my first faltering steps in the program. I know that there are others who wrestle with the same kinds of concerns that I had. Therefore, if they read my story, they might be more likely to take advantage of the help that God wants to give them through Sexaholics Anonymous.
Babies are resilient. In their attempts to learn to walk, they fall a thousand times. But they keep trying. They don’t know how to give up; in fact, they have to be restrained from trying too hard.
