My addiction had reared its ugly head in many ways over a long period of time. Before sobriety I could look back on over 40 years of living the addict’s secret. The only bottom line I would dare claim is what I did not do in acting out. Moments of honesty about my addiction make me ask why I did not do what was left undone. Fear of being seen created a pseudo bottom line.
Greetings from the Guam SA group. We’re only two strong, but we’ve been meeting weekly for nearly a year. And God has richly blessed us. I always leave the meetings uplifted. We’ve had several others join us from time to time, but the two of us are the original members.
In a member’s family beach house, 14 hopefuls, newcomers, and old-timers travelled over thousands of miles to be together. Bonded in our need for recovery from addiction to lust, from lifestyles so varied, so alike.
Frequently my head and my heart think and feel that I am alone. This is especially difficult while being the secretary for an SA meeting of one, here in Fort Bragg, Calif. One Thursday night my Higher Power gave me a gift. It is a tool for revealing loneliness as the deception it is. I use it frequently. I call it the Gratitude Attendance Check.
Recently, I was a participant at a business meeting of our regular SA meeting. Having been in SA for four-and-a-half years and coming up on my fourth anniversary, I have attended my fair share of business meetings. However, this group conscience meeting was a test for everything that I’ve learned and read in the past four-and-a-half years. All I can say is that I left the meeting feeling as if I needed another meeting. The anger and resentment that it brought up in me was carried within for too long a time.
Terms of office were set for the first Delegate Assembly so that only half of the Assembly would be elected at any one time. Lots were drawn to decide whose term would be two years and whose term three years.
In order to be more effective in the task of the Twelfth Step and First Tradition of carrying the message to the suffering sexaholic, the fellowship appointed the General Service Board committee in July 1991, during the Chicago International Conference Business Meeting, to recommend a service structure appropriate for Sexaholic Anonymous.
I recently attended an open-mike SA/S-Anon meeting. I was looking forward to hearing experience, strength and hope from both groups. As I settled in to listen, however, an SA member approached the mike. He spoke about his childhood, his feelings of not fitting anywhere and his unhappiness with his life before recovery.
It was in a porn magazine, ironically, that I first learned of SA. This new group for sex addicts was mentioned in a short article of the ha-ha-guess-what variety. I did not laugh; it sent a chill down my spine. Two months later a local newspaper carried the famous “Dear Abby” column, and I was one of the multitude who wrote to Simi Valley. I received the SA brochure and a letter inviting me to write again if I wanted further information.
I have been working a program with a few other members of SA from different parts of the country on abstinence from TV and movies. I have been abstinent from these media since June 1, 1996. This has not been an easy surrender. Even though God has removed what was an overwhelming compulsion to utilize these media, I still experience an intense pull from them. When the lust for TV or movies comes up, I am able to pray each time — just as I do with sexual lust — and God has, one impulse at a time, given me the willingness to turn away.
