My self-centered fear is invisible to me. What may be obvious to others as my ego disease often looks to me like the “real world” or the facts of my life. Add to that my irrational conviction that “what I’m feeling right now will last forever,” and it’s no wonder I go crazy with fear! Feeling hopeless, I retreat into a convenient character defect: lusting, anger, judging, or isolation.
A friend and I were working on a Step Two exercise that my sponsor taught me. My friend was answering the question, “Why don’t you choose your own conception of God?” (AA 12). The exercise is to write down new ideas about a Higher Power.
Recently, an incident that occurred in a therapy group I attend that left me feeling resentful toward one of the group members. He had called me a “dry drunk.” I needed to work my program in order to address my resentment.
A couple of months ago, it became apparent that I would need to rotate out of the SA service structure due to other obligations in my life. I found myself struggling with grandiosity in the form of fear for the future of SA, and grief for the loss of my GDA friends, whom I would no longer be seeing on a regular basis.
Do you have a problem with money? I did. I had too much!
I’m Ken, a sexaholic. With the grace of my Higher Power, the Twelve Step program of recovery, the fellowship of SA, a caring and loving sponsor, and a loving and supportive wife, I’ve been sexually sober since December 1, 2007.
I had been in SA for about a year and was working on my Third Step when I was scheduled to be sent to the other side of the country for a year of training with my religious community. Because this training year is very structured, I did not want to go (my disease hates structure). I spent five or six months wishing the training would be cancelled.
Early on in my sobriety adventure with Sexaholics Anonymous, I heard the expression “One day at a time.” At the time my marriage was on the line and my acting out had caused me a lot of trouble. I wanted to be free from this sexaholic life for more than one day!
Do you like… Meeting new friends? Working on a team? Giving back to the fellowship? Watching the promises come alive in your life? Attending the Conventions?
I’m Bob H., a Class A (non-SA) Trustee, elected by the GDA in July 2010. I currently serve as Trustee Chair. I would like to share some of my journey as well as how I came to serve the SA fellowship.
