I learned rage and anger early on. Why? I was neglected as a child. I was snubbed by all the beauties in high school. I was rejected by the snobs and socialites and laughed at by the affluent. I was bullied by the big jocks and harassed by the smart alecks. I was a loser at all sports and taken advantage of by the losers who were the only ones I was comfortable with. I know what it is to feel like a nobody and a nothing.
After completing my first four Steps, I wrote this essay describing my first faltering steps in the program. I know that there are others who wrestle with the same kinds of concerns that I had. Therefore, if they read my story, they might be more likely to take advantage of the help that God wants to give them through Sexaholics Anonymous.
Babies are resilient. In their attempts to learn to walk, they fall a thousand times. But they keep trying. They don’t know how to give up; in fact, they have to be restrained from trying too hard.
In recovery, I’ve learned something interesting about my telephone: it only rings when I dial numbers. When I stop dialing, it stops ringing.
The Serenity Prayer appeared in 1943 to become part of the foundation of the Alcoholics Anonymous Program. This prayer opens our meetings, graces many sobriety chips, and appears in our literature and periodicals over and over. The Serenity Prayer even commonly appears on wall plaques and in cross-stitch panels.
We doubled in size last night, from three guys at the first meeting to six guys last night. No newcomers yet, but maybe that’s okay. We need to get a feel for the direction the meetings will go. Just wanted to let you know we planted the seed, and darn thing has already begun to sprout! Now I suppose we should pray for rain?
Thanks for asking us how we are doing. We’ve had some struggles getting organized, but have a good site, and a solid core of 3-4. Some of the others with no program experience are beginning to put together some sobriety. Their excitement has been a real boost to me as well. I just celebrated a year, and am grateful for the program!
My name is Ted L., and I’m a gratefully recovering sexaholic. They say that God works in mysterious ways, and for me it’s been a doozy! I was 38 years old, and had lived a life of slavery to lust, sex, and myself. I’d been in prison for six years for rape, and was finally beginning to come to terms with the evil I had done in my life. I thought that it would help my parole chances if I could get some kind of program set up at my facility.
Dear ESSAY Reader, In the past few months we have received a number of meditations, reflections on the Steps and the Traditions, and fascinating personal stories. We always desire more! Please keep the ESSAY in mind and send us your experience. We promise to keep working on improving our “meeting in print.”
I do my own thing
