When I came into SA in 2009, I balked at the part of the sobriety definition that says “no form of sex with self or with persons other than the spouse” (SA 191-192). I had come from a secular upbringing, and I lived through three divorces of my parents. First they divorced each other, then each of them married someone else, and then each divorced again. Marriage was not for me.
I was on a slippery slope. For the past few months I had begun indulging in lust, as well as resentment, anger, and self-pity. I was yelling at my kids, demanding things from my husband and family, and wallowing in self-pity. I was spending more time in my head, in fantasy about past sexual encounters.
I’m Harvey A., a sexaholic from Nashville, TN. My sobriety date is March 8, 1984. I can hardly believe that I’m now 75 years old and have been sexually sober for more than 31 years. When I began the SA recovery program at age 44, I had a full head of hair that had not yet turned grey. At 75, what hair I have is completely grey. My outward appearance has changed over the past 31 years. But it’s the change in my inner self that I want to share with the fellowship today.
Thanksgiving 2010 was a sunny day in San Diego, and I had nowhere to go for dinner. This scene was scary. It fed into my history of isolating and living inside my head, away from family and other relationships. I usually made plans to be with friends on holidays, but it didn’t work out that year.
A funny (?) thing happened at this year’s Unity Convention in Irvine, CA in October. The hotel where the event was held also booked another major conference. That in itself is not noteworthy, except that the other conference was an international ballroom dancing competition.
I’m Leo, a sexaholic, just back from the fourth annual convention of the Russian-speaking fellowship in Moscow, held October 31 to November 2. This was the second one I’ve attended. Although I’ve been in SA for 10 years, I haven’t been able to stay sober.
When I came into the rooms of SA, I was relieved to learn that God was so important to the Program. I was always a deep believer in God; in fact, I would say that He got me here. He gave me the kick in the pants that I needed to get me to these rooms.
As part of my recovery over the past five years, I’ve made cartoons based on recovery concepts. Translating my recovery into visual terms helps keep me focused on the solution. The cartoon below came to me in May of 2009, while at the house of an old-timer in the UK where I was staying to work the Steps.
I’m Mike, a sexaholic, and I’ve been sexually sober since June 3, 1984. I’m grateful to the members of my home group, who have helped me stay sober for the past 30 years. I’m also grateful for my wife, who probably should have dumped me many times over the years, but for some reason she has chosen to stay. We have a pretty decent marriage today—but it wasn’t always that way.
Last May I attended the Europe and Middle East Region (EMER) Convention and Regional Assembly meeting in Israel. From the time I left my home in Ireland until I returned, I was in fellowship almost the entire time. This was the trip of a lifetime!
