Courage to Change
The Program of Sexaholic Anonymous is still not available in most of the prisons around the world and in Europe. My addiction made me a prisoner of lust. It was horrible and I was thinking that I threw my life out the window in the pursuit of lust. I can not imagine how hard it must be being prisoner of lust and being a real prisoner at the same time.
We hear a great deal about change in the fellowship. Our Serenity Prayer talks of having the “courage to change.” In our early days, sober members talk to us about having the “willingness” to change. But what exactly is change, as it relates to the fellowship and sobriety?
I arrived in SA in 1999 under dire circumstances following a long period of compulsive poor behavior involving few other people but leaving devastation within my own family. I did not discover the extent of the devastation until many years later after engaging in the SA program wholeheartedly.
I came to Sexaholics Anonymous 4 years ago. Before that I had no idea I was an addict. Daily suicidal thoughts were the last straw. After acting out I didn’t feel good; I just felt strong pain and had no idea what to do or how I could help myself. I was praying that God would give me the way out from my obsession.
When I was new to the Fellowship, I heard something that made me laugh: “I’m a self-loathing narcissist.” I thought it was funny, but I also wanted to cry at how true this statement was for me. I’m a sexaholic and have truly earned my seat in these SA rooms. I have a fatal, incurable, progressive disease—a real soul sickness. By an incomprehensible miracle, the Program helped me find my way to a Higher Power who restored me to sanity. Granted, all I have is a daily reprieve contingent on my spiritual condition, but that much is an absolute miracle to me.
I am Lina, SA, sober since 2010, Mexico City. I was born in 1968. I only stopped taking a bottle when I was 6 years old. As a result, I was the subject of mockery at home. I remember my house made of tin, and a dirt floor; we had scarce resources and many financial needs. I was the last of 8 siblings in addition to being a girl with a stomach disease.
