I was born in Nicaragua. My parents divorced when I was a baby. I was raised by my maternal grandparents in the countryside until about 8 years old. When I was around 6 or 7 years old, I was sexually abused by two adult men who were neighbors.
For me, sexual lust started as a simple game that I played with the kid next door. I never imagined that such a game could develop into a "way of life." My family paid more attention to my beautiful, smart sister, and to attract their attention, I started stealing from them to get more attention. This didn’t work. I didn’t know how to say, “I’m here! See me! Love me! I need my father to hold me!”
I reached out to an SA member in June 2017 in response to his email sent two months before, and I knew I had a problem with my compulsive behavior. On a daily basis, I was satisfying my “needs” like an automaton programmed to perform repetitive searches. I kept trying to fill the terrible emptiness that my secret life hid for ages.
The chapter in the White Book titled "Lust—The Force Behind the Addiction," is, in my view, a magnificent introduction to the underpinnings of what lust is really all about. In that chapter Roy defines lust as "an attitude demanding that a natural instinct serve unnatural desires" (SA 40). That was certainly my experience.
One of our friends-in-prison, Raphael S., who has had two articles over the last couple of years in ESSAY, started an SA meeting in Virginia State Prison. He is sponsoring another fellow. It’s meaningful for them to be part of the fellowship although they are incarcerated.
