A New Look at Lust Recovery
At the January 1998 International Conference in Daytona Beach, Florida, the Trustees and Delegates of Sexaholics Anonymous created the SACC Literature Fund. The SACC was directed to “implement a plan to encourage donations from intergroups to cover literature costs for prisoners.” No one knew at that time exactly how we would go about doing this or what the response would be. By the end of the year, however, members had contributed $5,342.99 to the fund.
I was born into a large extended family in eastern Canada. My father held down two jobs and operated a mixed farm with his father. My mother was young and overwhelmed with responsibility. When my father was home I would try to talk to him and do things with him but I had little or no success. I realize today he was trying to recapture some much needed sleep.
The whole concept of “sexual anorexia” is an issue for me. Some therapists seem to use the term to describe someone who is sexually shut down from their partner. However, “sexual anorexia” is not an S-Anon approved term. One thing we do know for sure that is supported by both SA and S-Anon is mutual abstinence: 1) it ensures a drying out period for the sexaholic; 2) it allows a period of time to focus on our own recovery and regain other aspects of intimacy and friendship in our lives that were lost or never before experienced. It is a time to learn that, in fact, sex is “optional” (see SA Solution in the “White Book”).
My name is Bill; I’m a sexaholic, sober for four years and two months. One of the most effective tools in my recovery has been the daily renewal. The renewal is a daily ritual in which two people in the program ask each other six challenging questions. By thoughtfully answering “yes” to each question, one is making a truly active choice to stay sober.
I just finished reading the Essay article entitled “A Safe Haven?” (Fall 1999, p. 12). I was reminded of similar experiences I had at an AA meeting a few years ago. At my home group we had a member who suffered from grave emotional and mental difficulties, and who didn’t seem to be benefiting much from not drinking. I no longer recall whether he was on or needed to be taking medication for his condition, but I remember his rage and threatening comments.
Through the help of the SA International Central Office, I am in contact with an SA member here in Tanzania. Your work in serving the fellowship is saving lives. The translator of the AA Big Book into Ki-Swahili lives in Tanzania. He took me to the Ki-Swahili AA meeting. On the shelf of the room was a book describing sexual addiction! Soon our SA White Book will be on that shelf.
The New Jersey Marathon on November 6th in Cranford was a special occasion in SA history. The subject of victory over lust took the spotlight as the speaker challenged the eager gathering of SAs by describing the stages of his own progressive victory over lust. He offered joyous hope to any still wondering if it is actually possible to honestly “stop drinking” or who are unhappy with their own stage of lust recovery. The talk was in two parts: first sharing the stages of his own lust recovery, and then offering a new approach as breakthrough experiment. The talk was privately taped and transcribed for the Essay. Part One, Stages of Lust Recovery, appears below. Part Two, The 1935 Akron Experience as a Program for Lust Recovery, will appear in the next issue of Essay. The speaker was Roy K., who was asked to condense and edit his talk for publication.
