SA and Technology
What if, when I feel tired and weak, depleted and nervous, God is gently reminding me to rely on Him? What if I see the end of me as the start of God’s grace and power? What if His strength is all I need? What if my anxiety is a gift, because it reminds me that this life comes in moments, not days or years.
At times I fail to recall the effort it takes for me to surrender my sexual lust on a daily basis. I pretend to think that because I have such a wonderful spiritual condition—attending Sexaholics Anonymous meetings, meeting with other SA members, etc.—that I don’t need other practical solutions. But that whole line of thinking originates in my ego.
When I first came to SA I was three years divorced from a twelve-year marriage and had two kids. I always say that I was a sexaholic before I married my ex-wife, a sexaholic while married, and still a sexaholic after divorce. I knew that something was wrong with my behavior—I just couldn’t stop, even though I did not want to continue.
Recently I received new lenses for my glasses. The current ones were scratched and insurance would replace them. After the optometrist installed the lenses, I walked back to my car in the parking garage. I found myself astounded by the new clarity of my vision! I thought I should give a quick call back to the optometrist to learn what had changed my eyesight so dramatically?
Chapter 5 of the Big Book tells us that honesty is a prerequisite of recovery. What does honesty mean for me? If I lie to you, even if I know the truth inside, I’m not being honest. Why? Because my outside doesn’t match my inside truth.
A daily renewal is one of the best practices in my recovery from sexaholism. One morning my renewal partner said, “Matthew, you have UNICORN SYNDROME. You don’t realize how unique you are, how rare it is to have done the work you’ve done at your age and to have found recovery, or how unrealistic it is to expect your wife to be in the same place as you are.”
