Happy & Joyous Freedom in Times of Global Lockdown
Last Sunday nine of us came together to celebrate at the 5-hour Newcastle Australia Conference, while an average of another 20 members zoomed and called in. Among us were two first nation Australians and one woman. We had guest speakers from all over our island—Gold Coast, Perth, Melbourne, Sydney and Newcastle.
The morning smells like smoke A building is burning The siren is running But I am humming
Recently, I awoke early to start my day before it became hot and humid. I prayed my usual prayers, but thought to myself that I would save morning meditation to a more convenient time. Perhaps this was the beginning of obsession trying to creep into my mind as I ignored the line, “On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day …” (AA 86).
It took me nine years in SA to realize that continually praying to God to “keep me sober,” and to “take away my lust” wasn’t working for me. I discovered that this kind of prayer was just another subtle way of trying to manage my life by asking God to do what I thought He should do for me.
Recently, I was waiting for some medical results, which, if negative, may have meant some serious consequences. Fear gripped me, but I did not share my feelings with anyone. Without even making a conscious decision to do so, I found myself back in self-reliance, relying on finite self instead of infinite God.
In December of 1999, I was 10 years sober in SA and working for a defense contractor. It was the era of Millennium bug, and no one knew what sort of effect the change of millennia would have on computer systems (the answer: not much). To help out in this effort, I was sent from my home in Maryland to Tampa, Florida to assist U.S. Special Operations Command with documenting their Y2K compliance.
What is positive sobriety? I think that it’s focusing on why I want to stay sober as opposed to why I don’t want to act out. On page 69 in our White Book it says, “Instead of running joyously to heaven, we seem to back away from our hell, one step at a time.”
Thank you Lee T. for agreeing to be interviewed for Essay. Your sobriety date is 1986. During your 34 years of sexual sobriety, what have been some of the key habits and behaviors you have built and maintained to stay sober and grow in recovery?
Lust and acting out had poisoned my soul from early teenhood. A double track had developed in me: On the one hand, a deep desire for a true love, a loving union, for family life, house and kids; on the other hand, an ill and poisoned desire to right away have sex with women, without any sense for personal relation, love or respect.
I joined SA in 2017, but I’d heard about it six years earlier… Yes, it took me six painful years to come to the point where I could say: “I am a sexaholic. I am powerless over lust because I am sick.”
