I was sitting in the sun, trying to recuperate from an upper respiratory infection. The sun was shining so brightly as I was comfortably sitting in a lounge chair by the pool at the retirement center where we live. All of a sudden it turned dark. I looked up at the sky.
A few years before I came to SA, I saw several therapists. I didn't realize it then, but I was looking for a “higher power” that would save me from myself, that would carry me. Being saved and carried was exactly what I tried to find in lust.
When I admitted powerlessness and unmanageability (Step One), I began Twelve-Step recovery. Within one week my spiritual awakening began as I could believe in the experience of others and feel hope. For me this was Step Two. Beginning to learn and live the Steps in my life (with some assistance from professionals) enlarged and deepened my spiritual awakening.
I have to admit it. I spent a lot of my life searching for a solution. I used to think that I am drowning in a well, and I must find a solution in that well. But that all has changed now. After joining SA, I came to learn that I was looking for a solution in the mud of the problem! I am grateful to God that after I have joined the program, I simply did not leave and run away! I had a feeling, which I wasn’t sure about, but it said “stay in the program”.
If you haven’t seen the brand-new video that just came out about the 12 Steps, be sure to check it out! “Why Working the Steps is Important” is the multimedia story of how a member worked the Steps of SA and came to understand the Solution to his Problem.
The words of Step Two roll off my lips. “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” They are so easy to repeat. I think, “Of course I believe in a Higher Power, otherwise I wouldn’t be here.” I ask myself, “Really?”
Grief was foreign to me. I had not experienced it as close as I did until my Dad passed away in June 2021. We were planning for a Father’s Day lunch just two days before he had an accident that caused some head injuries. Three days later, we were planning for his funeral.
I am a member of SA Iran and have been sober for 17 years and 11 months. I want to share with you my experience of Step Eleven. Conscious contact with my Higher Power has helped me so much to stabilize and deepen my recovery.
Lust corrupted my childhood. I was violated when I was very young—an inappropriate act that distorted my perception of sexuality, reality, and love. For years afterward I went around with an aching, infinite emptiness inside me. I bandaged the pain with a blindfold and contented myself to live in darkness, like someone living down a deep water well.
This is what Step 4 is designed to achieve. The question “What was my part?” is not designed to blame the victim who has a resentment against a wrong that was done to them. The question goes to what part of me is broken that keeps this pain alive? How have I taken myself out of the land of the living because of this resentment?
