Hi all: I’ve been overwhelmed with “life” lately, so I haven’t responded to many topics. This one — surrender — caught my eye. Surrender is an impossibility. Asking me to “surrender” makes as much sense as asking me to stop breathing. Running rampant is a natural state for me.
When I was a little girl about five years old, I remember sitting on my grandfather’s lap and combing his hair. It gave me such happy, good feelings. My grandfather died when I was seven. I had trouble in school from that time on. I couldn’t concentrate, I would daydream, and I had headaches. I was a very lonely child after I lost that special relationship. I didn’t know how to get that love from anyone else, so I comforted myself in my fantasies where I was a fairy princess and my Prince Charming would come and carry me off.
My name is William R. My sobriety date is June 12, 1993. I live in the state of Washington, USA. Since January 1998, I have served Sexaholics Anonymous as the Correctional Facilities Coordinator.
Shortly after I entered Sexaholics Anonymous some fellow sexaholics mentioned making a “daily contract” for sobriety. During the first few weeks of sobriety I hardly needed a contract. I was so scared and miserable that sobriety was my only option. My second marriage was near an end, my acting out would cause me to quickly lose my job and I simply felt hopeless.
I live in a small town. For a year, I drove 85 miles one way to an SA meeting, and I still do so. I had wanted to start a meeting for a while, but how was I going to get the word out and who would come to this kind of meeting? I had been going to various other 12-Step meetings to hear the Steps and recovery. I got frustrated because all they talked about was drinking, drinking, drinking, and that was not MY problem!
It’s hard for me to talk about the benefits of maintaining sexual sobriety. But I can compare it to some things in the natural world.
The SA/S-Anon International Convention, held in Orange in January 2001, was one of the most successful ever. Attendance reached an all-time high. Participants were enthusiastic in their praise of the setting, the sharing and the fellowship.
I had to face the fact that in my marriage I didn’t know what intimacy without sex looked like. I was always seeking to create intimacy so I could get my wife to have sex with me. Just like I did with the girlfriends that preceded her. Our sexual encounters usually came out of the “connect with me and make me whole” syndrome. They created a false intimacy that soon evaporated, often leaving exposed the underlying emotions that made us feel like we had to be sexual with one another in the first place. And I was usually left with a craving for more….
We have changed our name to Sexaholics Anonymous Correctional Facilities Committee (SACFC). It was felt this name provided a clearer description of the work of the committee.
I discovered how great the recovery readings are when someone loaned me the 2000, Issue One edition with writings of Jesse L. So, now I want more inspirational recovery reading. Here is my subscription for the ESSAY. Keep up the great work!
