Le lien entre la honte et la perfection
Les Étapes ont éliminé la honte et le perfectionnisme, une combinaison mortelle qui l'empêchait d'être vulnérable.
Un mirage d’eau
Identifier le problème et cesser son comportement égocentrique lui permet de vivre dans la confiance et dans la volonté de Dieu.
Keep The Curtains Open
Taking a look at himself and sharing what he found let the light of recovery shine on his shame. An unknown SA member said, “If you want light, keep the curtains open. The curtains are made of selfishness.” I was not only driven by a hundred forms of fear, as the Big Book says, but also by a thousand forms of guilt and shame.
Recovery: My Way Out of Shame
Step Nine showed him how to proceed without putting himself down. I am Tim, from Brussels. I discovered I am a sexaholic about two years ago. After a summer of destructive acting out, a painful rock bottom, and therapy, it became clear that I needed help from a 12-Step program. It was a great relief. I have been addicted to lust since my teenage years without knowing it.
Bringing the Inside Out
With his sponsor’s help, he learned to deal with shame and guilt. As we persist, a brand-new kind of confidence is born, and the sense of relief at finally facing ourselves is indescribable (Twelve and Twelve 50).
Grateful I No Longer Do That
His gratitude list was the hammer that crushed his guilt and shame. I didn’t think I was fearful. I was a strong, tough male who had gotten in fights before and played contact sports like football, hockey, and rugby. So I thought that I wasn’t afraid of anything.
Addicted to Shame
An elder member in SA helped him see that he was addicted to himself. “You’re the most arrogant [person] I have ever met!” Although a more colorful word was used instead of “person,” this statement still saved my life.
Weaponizing Guilt Into Shame
SA taught him that letting go of guilt was not only okay, but necessary Fear and shame were awaiting my entrance into the world. My grandmother was harassed and bullied for her parents’ financial struggles, language, skin color, and country of origin. So she resolved to protect her children from the same fate by refusing to pass down her native language, traditions, customs, or history, and insisting that they marry spouses who embodied her idealized notion of an acceptable national archetype.
Editor’s Corner
Fear prevented me from experiencing healthy guilt. Guilt tells me I have done wrong. Fear also prevented me from feeling healthy shame. Shame is a slight embarrassment that others may see my wrongs. But fear primarily stopped me from facing toxic guilt and toxic shame.
Discussion Topic
Peter shares in his article that initial guilt is a healthy response for him. However, shame and lingering guilt were very detrimental to his long-term recovery. He needed to understand how these harmed his recovery and what he could do to move out of guilt and shame as soon as possible—so that he could continue on his journey.
