Fundamentals of My Surrender
Often my willfulness asserts itself, and I have been learning the following ingredients of surrender.
Please Share Your Lust With Me
In the White Book, it says that we identified with each other at the point of our weakness. I need to hear your struggles with lust in order to get in touch with my own lust. I need to hear your pain so I know I don’t want to go back out there. I need to hear your hope so I know there is a way out. I need you to be “specific but not graphic,” as one member puts it.
Recovering From Online Chat Sex Addiction
I fell hard into the Internet. There I found a world where forbidden things were freely available. At first, I enjoyed this secret place where there was no right or wrong. So I stayed there longer and longer each day. Before long, my seemingly harmless online meetings turned into infidelities. I cheated frequently, after more than fifteen years of faithful marriage.
There’s No ‘I’ in ‘Team’ or ‘SA’
From the time I was a kid I never liked teams. I didn’t want to lose because some teammate screwed up. If I messed up a bunch of people would hate me for making them lose. And if I’m the prime factor in helping a team win, the credit will be spread out among a bunch of others. By my logic it was better to solo have the credit and control of winning or losing.
No Scanning Mode
In 1993, my wife and I led a church singles ministry. During a pool party at a single’s house while playing catch, my six-year-old son looked at me and said, “Daddy, why do you keep looking around? Why don’t you just play catch with me?” I believe that was the first time anyone spoke to me about my looking at the women around me.
A Gift from My Granddaughter
My wife and I were babysitting two of our grandchildren for the weekend. On Saturday afternoon I was keeping my grandson company, lounging next to him on the couch with my legs up on a hassock as he watched his favorite television program.
Daily Challenge
My recovery requires me to form new habits. It takes time to develop a new habit. The accountability of a daily check-in was absolutely necessary for me to get the momentum required to make something routine. But, even this was not enough to motivate me to be consistent. I shared my struggle with another member and we had a new idea.
Paradoxes of Recovery
A paradox is a statement that apparently contradicts itself and might be true. “When we surrender our ‘freedom,’ we become truly free” (SA 81).
Staying Sober
There is no magic involved in staying sober. It is not a do-it-once-and-get-it-over kind of job. There is daily Grace and Help from our Higher Power, the benefits of working a program in the SA Fellowship, and “one-day-at-a-time” honesty, openness and attention. I have to pay attention to what I am thinking and doing; we have no vacation from sobriety work! Here are some practices I have found helpful over the years.
A Useful Tool for Me
I have downloaded what I call a “ringing tone” that rings every day at 12:12. It is now on my smartphone. It has been for almost a year. I may have seen that tool somewhere within an SA document. It helps me remember to be grateful that I have a program in 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. Any ringtone could do the trick.
