After I had about a year of sobriety, a friend of mine in the program asked me for a favor: Would I go with him to the local internet customer service center to be sure he would follow through with his decision to have his internet service disconnected?
My name is Brad and I am a sexaholic. When I say “I am a sexaholic,” I am admitting that I belong to a class of people for whom lust has become an addiction. I have finally accepted the truth that whenever my behavior is driven by an attitude of lust, there will almost certainly be consequences, pain, and humiliation. There is no exception to this reality.
Does meditation impact my recovery? Absolutely! I meditate in order to formulate how to complete each Step. I find meditation to be helpful to new members to simplify the Step process.
“I want to quit” is in my mind nearly every time I go a pool to swim laps. I have learned that “I want to quit!” means that I’m doing something that matters and that finishing it will benefit me. Only when I’m doing something important does my “I want to quit!” thought come to my head.
These days seem so hard at times; I keep looking for a text that will never come, a phone call that will never be made. I miss the smile and laughter I once heard and the kindness I once felt.
I have always been amused by the phrase, “Be careful what you pray for—you might get it!”
Not long ago, I did it: I put a Desire chip in my mouth. And no, it didn’t melt.
I’m grateful to have celebrated five years of sexual sobriety this past August. I don’t believe I would be sober (or three years married!) without help from my Higher Power, Who has helped me find progressive victory over lust. Through the fellowship of SA, my Higher Power has given me the tools that others have used to surrender lust, one day at a time.
I came to SA in September 2005, when I realized I was hooked on Internet pornography, and I’ve been sober since that day. Before then, I thought I could stop on my own. I actually could stop for several days on my own willpower, but then I would binge on lust for days afterward and my obsession would increase.
As hard it was to admit that I am an addict, it was equally hard to admit that I am insane. However, based on Google’s second definition of insanity—“extreme foolishness or irrationality”—I clearly am. Everything about my addiction has been foolish or irrational.
