I’m grateful to have celebrated five years of sexual sobriety this past August. I don’t believe I would be sober (or three years married!) without help from my Higher Power, Who has helped me find progressive victory over lust. Through the fellowship of SA, my Higher Power has given me the tools that others have used to surrender lust, one day at a time.
I came to SA in September 2005, when I realized I was hooked on Internet pornography, and I’ve been sober since that day. Before then, I thought I could stop on my own. I actually could stop for several days on my own willpower, but then I would binge on lust for days afterward and my obsession would increase.
As hard it was to admit that I am an addict, it was equally hard to admit that I am insane. However, based on Google’s second definition of insanity—“extreme foolishness or irrationality”—I clearly am. Everything about my addiction has been foolish or irrational.
The other day a friend called me with a question. He said that, at an SA meeting he attended the day before, he discovered that he had the most sobriety in the room. He asked me whether he could learn anything from a meeting where he has the most sobriety. I told him that—no matter how much sobriety I have—God is able to speak to me through other members with less sobriety.
Following are five things I try to do every day before 5 p.m.—or “5B45.” This is the recipe that I developed for Sobriety:
I know all about doing a quick “1-2-3” when I am confronted with an obvious threat to my sobriety. For example: Should I go to the party when I know “she” will be there? In those moments, I mentally go through Steps One, Two, and Three, which I summarize as: “I can’t, He can, so let Him!”
Yes, my mother once stabbed me. I was probably 15 years old when it happened. I am now 72. I could never use the word “stab” until I had been sexually sober for many years in SA.
It seems like only yesterday that my old friend and sponsor Jess L., shared with me a wonderful story. He said that there once was a world-renowned football team that had successful seasons year after year. One year, however, things were not going well for the team.
I first entered these rooms in 2001, after confessing to my wife that I had had a number of encounters with prostitutes during our eight years of marriage. I thought that if I could stop my abhorrent sexual behaviors of cruising and employing prostitutes, I would save my marriage, write a book, and embark on a speaking ministry across the country to help men and women trapped by sexual addiction.
Sometime back I read a short article that was published in ESSAY (2007, Issue One, p. 9). The article caught my attention. In it, Ed R. shared his practice of setting his phone alarm for 12:12 each day. When the alarm goes off, he says a short prayer of thanks for the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.
