I’m Dave, a grateful recovering sexaholic, sober by God’s grace since January 2004. My wife has been active in recovery working both Al-Anon and S-Anon for many years. We share “the Real Connection” because we each work our own programs.
I remember sitting in our counselor’s office when my husband told me he wanted a divorce. I was devastated. Not because I loved him all that much. My ongoing emotional affairs with the men at work, combined with sexual fantasies and masturbation, were dearer to me than my husband was at the time.
My name is Will. I’m a sexaholic and part of a recovering couple. I’ve been sexually sober since January 5, 2000.
Before joining the Program, I didn’t realize how mean I was to my wife. It’s not that she’s perfect; after all, she married me. But something would happen, I’d get angry because something wasn’t going right, and I’d yell at her. I’d often blame her for things she had nothing to do with. Or I’d just yell at her because I was upset.
I recently had a major awakening about lust in my marriage. It happened one morning after a night during which I had wanted to be sexual with my wife. In the past, my desire would quickly turn to lust. I would feel as if I was about to explode if I did not have her. Sex was not optional. That night had been different. As I wrote in my journal about it the next morning, I understood why.
Over the weekend of April 24-26, the 4th Australian SA conference was held at Camp Cottermouth, Canberra, the national capital. 28 members from around Australia attended. The theme for this year’s conference was “The Real Connection.”
Value of Abstinence to the Sexaholic 1. To discover lust and its part in the relationship and to decouple lust from sex. Going into total sexual abstinence reveals the presence and nature of lust. Before, sex and lust were so intertwined we couldn’t see anything but the sex. Taking sex out of the picture reveals what’s really there. And it is this hidden component that must be seen and progressively overcome for true recovery.
Without daily surrender of my powerlessness over lust, there is no possible way I would have over two and three-quarter years of sexual sobriety. Without daily surrender of my powerlessness over resentment, rage and hatred, there is no possible way I would have recently celebrated two years of what I call “verbal abuse sobriety.”
