I’m Paul H., a grateful sexaholic, sober since December 1996. The nature of my disease is lusting, wanting to be lusted after, compulsive masturbation, use of pornography, dependency relationships, and anonymous encounters.
Two years into the program and growing more and more cocky about my power over myself, during my first major crisis I slipped into my old patterns. Caught by the trance leading up to masturbation, I ended two years of what I would now call abstinence. In the carelessness brought on by thinking I was in control, I acted out.
[The following ideas resulted from a group inventory done on the problem of continued slipping. These ideas are put forward simply to stimulate discussion and action. Please feed back from your experience.]
Facing the Slipper Syndrome 1. It is important to recognize that the real problem is lust, not sex, and thus acknowledge that the problem is spiritual in nature.
I feel compelled to write this letter to share my experience, strength, and hope. I write this as much for me as I do for others in the fellowship. I want to share a message. A message I have learned the hard way.
If there is any pattern emerging, it is that people come into SA with a moment of clarity and resolve, grateful to finally know what’s wrong and to find others with the same problem and secrets. This initial motivation carries them for awhile, and many even stay sober for a time. However, many fall away. They drop out of contact or stop going to meetings.
Another word from around the country is that many have come off their S.A. “honeymoons” and are facing the realities of living sober (or not living sober). We’re finding out what the alkies discovered: we can’t stay sober, joyous and free without doing the things that make us sober, joyous and free.
