Why am I still in SA? A simple answer to this question could be, “I am here because I have to be,” but that doesn’t tell the whole story. The pain of repeatedly hitting bottom lines was enough to get me in the door, but never enough to keep me inside.
If I had to choose one word to describe how I felt for most of my life, I would choose "disconnected." I had a hard time making friends in both kindergarten and school. There were many engaging ways to escape reality—creating stories in my head, adventure books, and video games.
I’m Mike and I’m a sexaholic, sobriety date Aug 7, 2005. SA has given me my second chance at life and has been central to my recovery, but other things have helped too.
There was a time when I wondered why God brought me into this world. I always felt that my life was meaningless. I had such difficulty fitting in and belonging anywhere. My childhood was very difficult, full of traumas. I could never understand why I had to go through it all or what purpose all that pain served. Lust entered my life at age six when a family member sexually abused me.
I will try to share my experience, strength and hope as it touches upon the role my father Roy K. played in both my addiction and recovery. It's been a bumpy road for us both, thanks to our addiction and character defects.
“I swear, this is it. This is the final straw. The last time I’m giving in to this disgusting, awful habit. The last time I’m degrading myself and letting down the people I love. I’m done.” Those were the thoughts playing in my head as I pondered the weight of that in which I had just indulged. Shame and inferiority swept over me in waves, leaving me desperate for some glimpse of rescue.
I was just reading an article or two from ESSAY and I was moved to write about an experience that I had a few weeks ago. An experience and healing that would not have taken place without being a member of SA.
Before coming into SA, I didn’t believe that lust was a big deal for me. I had masturbated all my life, sometimes using pornography. When my addiction was in full swing, I was acting out with other men four to six times a month. I was living what I thought was a successful double life—on one hand a successful educator, father, husband, and church leader, and on the other a committed sex addict.
I’m Nicholas and I’m a sexaholic. I acted out with pornography, masturbation, prostitution, adultery, promiscuity, sexualizing men, women, children, animals and objects, voyeurism and exhibitionism, romantic fantasy, sexual intrigue, and emotional affairs. And by the grace of God and the program of Sexaholics Anonymous, I haven’t had to do any of that stuff for over 27 years and for that I am incredibly grateful.
I am Samar G. from Egypt. I am a sexaholic. My active addiction has a long history. I tried so many things in my life. My suffering started when I was young. I was abused by one of my relatives.
