When I first came to SA, I was one of those people who wanted to control and enjoy my lust, but not stop lusting altogether. I wanted to work my own program. I thought I was smarter than the other members and smarter than my therapist.
When I first came to SA in June 2002, I was miserable and I was single. I didn’t want to be miserable, and I sure didn’t want to be single! My divorce had been finalized just two months before I came to SA, and I was jealous and upset that my newly ex-husband had gotten engaged before the divorce was final.
Why is Chapter Four of Alcoholics Anonymous (44) entitled “We Agnostics” instead of “Those Agnostics” even though some of us entered the program already believing in God? Today, I believe that I act like an agnostic or atheist whenever I turn away from God.
After years in a dark place, God has given me the gift of recovery. One of the fruits has been the blossoming of my relationship with my son. It has been my privilege to be with him in his recovery.
I have been an SA member for 14 years. I came to my local area SA in its infancy. I have served in Intergroup, and, with the help of some dedicated members, helped to start three groups in my area.
I came into SA hoping it would save my marriage. I thought it was going well, but my wife said she needed some space, that my just being in the house was a constant reminder, and that our children didn’t see that I was having any consequences for my misbehavior.
I have always been active in my chosen religion since my baptism at the age of 18, even though I was an active sexaholic of varying degrees before and throughout my 35-plus years of church membership. For a while I even served as a bishop, an unpaid clergyman equivalent to a pastor in other churches. All that changed a little over 27 months ago, when I was excommunicated from the church as a result of my addiction.
How did I—a nice, self-respecting recovering alcoholic with more than 14 years of sobriety—find myself sitting in a meeting with a bunch of lowly sexaholics? After all, I had worked the Steps many times. I sponsored several men. I had never lied to my AA sponsors.
I attended family counseling for six years; my wife was crazy and she wasn’t getting any better. Did it have anything to do with the fact that I was having several simultaneous affairs? I was a respected professional in a small town. Some of the women were my clients. This was in violation of the ethics of my profession and whatever ethics I might have thought I had for my marriage.
I have amends to make to some people. A few years ago, I abused four women, and I hurt two others for terribly selfish reasons. The four women were prostitutes. They were working in that abusive industry here in my own locality. Two were on the street, one was listed in the classified ads, and one worked in a “studio,” a sanitized name for a brothel.
