Stepping Into Freedom from the Obsession
When I first arrived in SA, I asked a man who had several years of sobriety to be my sponsor. A few months later, when I was ready to start Step 4, I discovered that he had never worked the Steps.
A Good Sponsor…
As with a lot of things in the Program, I grew into sponsorship. First, I had to learn to be a good sponsee and work my own program well. Then when I began sponsoring, I learned from my sponsees. Here is what I have learned so far.
Effective Sponsorship
For over twenty years I lived in the merciless downward spiral of Lust. As my disease progressed, the unmanageability increased, the consequences were greater, and I was powerless to save myself. By the Grace of God, over 9 years ago I walked into a meeting of SA and was given the gift of freedom. Yet, that gift of freedom did not happen overnight nor by accident. It took many years of good Step work and quality sponsorship to get to a comfortable and clean sobriety.
Thoughts on Sponsorship
I’ve been sober in SA for four and one-half years, and I believe that my sobriety can be attributed in no small part to sponsorship. The SA program continues to bless me with valuable lessons from the process of both having a sponsor and being a sponsor, and I’m grateful to my Higher Power for putting my sponsees in my life.
The Hard Truth about Sponsors
I have sponsored and been sponsored. Long-sober members often describe their sponsors with reverence. But if they talk long enough, they sometimes admit that the person who first helped them get sober is no longer sober themselves.
On Sponsoring Others
When I was sober just over three months, a younger man asked me to sponsor him. He was shy and new to SA and I didn’t want to say no, so I said that I would be his temporary sponsor. When I called my sponsor to tell him what happened, he seemed skeptical and emphasized that I should definitely think of this as only temporary, since I myself was new to sobriety and Step work.
Being There for Others
During my years in SA, I’ve been both a sponsor and a sponsee. My drawing below is about both of those experiences.
Sponsorship
Sponsorship in SA has been a great blessing for me, and continues to be a (sometimes humbling) learning experience. In fact, I learn as much from the men I sponsor as I have from my sponsors!
Sponsorship in SA
For me, honesty is the basis of a sponsorship relationship. I’m honest with my sponsor right away if a behavior is becoming a problem. I’m honest with her about what situations I must avoid. I also know what I am able to handle without problems.
Stepping Back
This sponsor/friend thing has been emotional for both of us. I have so much life stuff going on that I haven’t been dealing with my feelings around our relationship. Part of me doesn’t know how. I’ve never been in this situation before. To be a sponsor is one thing, it’s more cut and dried. A friend is another thing completely; it takes the “conditions” out.
