For me, the most important Step is the First Step. Taking the First Step is the motivator for all of the other Steps. I am fully convinced that I have a fatal malady beyond my ability to fix, so I move forward on the other Steps. Step One is a process of surrendering pride. It’s not the end of pride, but hopefully, God willing, it can help create a daily reprieve.
In the beginning of the war, I was having another difficult night. I didn't sleep well. I was lying (trying to sleep) in my common hall on the cold floor. Many cruise missiles were at that night over my country. After sleeping just for a few hours, I woke up and was extremely tired in the morning; realizing that somehow I survived, while other people might have some injuries or even could have died.
Through the grace of God and this program, I've been sober since March 4, 2006. I believe that the best way to help “the sexaholic who still suffers” (Tradition 5) is through our sobriety definition. This is the SA message that we carry to the newcomer in our meetings. I believe there are many ways to achieve sobriety from sexual addiction, but there is only one way to achieve recovery from sexaholism — that is by working the SA program.
Thank God I have a program. I have come to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity. I continue to have lustful thoughts. They come to me because I live in an environment where titillation of the senses is a commercial device that businesses use to sell their products. This device is used in all modern media. Unless I live in a cave, I can’t avoid temptation. Even in a cave, I can’t avoid euphoric recall of lustful thoughts. There is no way I can avoid lustful thoughts. I have to accept the fact that I am vulnerable to these thoughts.
Because of Step 1, I have come to accept that I am completely powerless over lust. I strive daily to apply this principle in all my affairs. I try often to remind myself that I am powerless over what life gives me, be it work, family, emotions, events, or anything else. When I used to relapse frequently, I would justify both my thoughts and behavior with the excuse of powerlessness: If I’m powerless, then I have no choice but to act out, right?
I have been following a journey all my adult life toward what now, as a sober SA member, I think of as Step 1—and I am now almost 60. I am moved to write this article by The Real Connection reading for today, which at the time of writing is April 7. It describes a method of meditation which the writer felt could be useful to other members, that is, in silence paying attention to my breathing, and focusing on my breath as it goes in and out of my nose and mouth, letting go of my thoughts as they arise.
My name is Mike M. and I’m a sexaholic. I’ve been one since before I even understood what lust was. I’ve been sober over two years now thanks to the 12 steps of SA, working with a sponsor, and a Power greater than myself that I try not to understand, but to experience. I’m married to my wife and we have three boys, 17, 14, and 10.
I ask God, as I understand him, for the courage to change. When and how do I do this? Every time I pray the Serenity Prayer, that phrase is there. I have liked the Serenity Prayer ever since the beginning of my recovery. We pray it often, in group meetings, in workshops, and at retreats … It says profound things with simple words, but often I will get distracted and simply recite it automatically.
I am Oscar, a recovering sexaholic, sober by the grace of my beloved Higher Power since March 6, 2012.
When I was new to the Fellowship, I heard something that made me laugh: “I’m a self-loathing narcissist.” I thought it was funny, but I also wanted to cry at how true this statement was for me. I’m a sexaholic and have truly earned my seat in these SA rooms. I have a fatal, incurable, progressive disease—a real soul sickness. By an incomprehensible miracle, the Program helped me find my way to a Higher Power who restored me to sanity. Granted, all I have is a daily reprieve contingent on my spiritual condition, but that much is an absolute miracle to me.
