12 Steps as Principles of Recovery from where I am Today
Dying: Admit I am powerless over lust; that my sex, sexuality, orientation and relational misconnection are unmanageable.
Turning it Over
I became willing to turn my life over to the care of God. My first time was when I first entered the program. Then I finally admitted that it was not up to me to define the bottom line. To really turn over to my sponsor—regular contact, honest sharing of my lust and resentment and regular work on the Steps is my next step.
The Group Conscience
There are two ways for a group to arrive at a group conscience. One is the competitive way, the other is the cooperative way. In the competitive, you push your ideas across, take a vote, and the majority carry the decision. This leaves behind a disgruntled minority that feel that its truths are lost sight of in the decision.
Ego
Ego has been said to mean Edging God Out. How desperately I want to sign this piece so that I’ll be admired and praised — so that I’ll feel less small and gray. But this means I am mistakenly allowing, indeed inviting, others to validate me — thinking that they can fill me up and make me whole.
The Tenth Step
When I began my sobriety in recovery in SA over three years ago, I listened to the Tenth Step as it was read at every meeting. At that time all I could hear was the reflection of my guilt, my shame and my pain. I thought that this Step meant that I would have to quickly proclaim to everyone all the screw-ups that I make in my life. I had enough difficulty revealing my past screw-ups!
SA’s Third Tradition: The Only (Two) Requirement(s) for Membership
The wording of the Third Tradition in SA is different than in most other Twelve Step programs. The Third Tradition in AA is: “The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.” In SA, however, the Third Tradition is: “The only requirement for SA membership is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober.” I believe SA’s formulation of the Third Tradition involves a two-part membership requirement — a desire to stop lusting and a desire to become sexually sober — and that both parts are equally important to the spiritual health of the fellowship and the quality of meetings.
“The Steps For Me Today”
(The following is an extract from a talk given by Roy K. at the Socio-Psychosomatic Clinic in Bad Herrenalb, Germany, in November 1985. Roy’s audience consisted primarily of members of 12-Step Fellowships.)
Has Your Group Taken the First Step Yet?
We all know how far we get in this program if we as individuals don’t have that First Step realization of our utter powerlessness over lust. Nowhere! Have you ever thought there might be such a thing as the group or SA as a whole being powerless over lust? If our malady has been telling us anything, it is that none of us as individuals or groups has the power to conquer lust and create sobriety, joy, and freedom.
My Ninth Step Work
My Ninth Step work began in March 1987, and the only reason I had was because there is a Ninth Step in the program. I sent a letter to the firm where I worked in 1972 and added a check for the electronic parts that I had stolen. I made another amends similar to this to the hospital where I had worked in 1974.
First Step
In the Los Angeles group we’ve experimented with doing a “formal” First Step. The member who was the “guinea pig” made notes on his sexual history as it bore on the development of his feelings & emotions and the powerlessness/unmanageability of his life.
