Sexual lust is just one face of the multi-dimensional cube of lust. The word "lust" cannot be confined to a sexual aspect only, as lust is merely a strong urge that governs attitudes. I cannot deny that the concept of lust itself is complex, confusing, and perplexing. How can a limited human encompass what is considered larger and broader? Humans are three-dimensional beings living in a four-dimensional world, while lust is simply a "multi-dimensional" entity.
Before joining SA I tried so many times to stop acting out but nothing worked for me, so I used to tell myself that there was no recovery when I heard stories about people who were in recovery. I thought of it as nothing!
This article is about relapse prevention. However, deep down inside of me, I am uncomfortable writing about this. I feel relapse prevention applies to people who are sober. It is about how to prevent people from relapsing once they get sober. My belief is that many people do not get sober although they think they are sober. How can I make such a statement?
My home group is in St. Petersburg, Russia, but one year ago I moved to Hanoi, Vietnam, where there are few other recovering sexaholics. My recovery started the day I came to an SA meeting. Since that day my life has changed a lot, and it is still changing. I am grateful for everything, past, present, and future. My life is happening exactly as the God of my understanding wants, so I accept everything life brings to me. I want to live this life.
In the beginning of recovery, when I was struggling to find long-term sobriety, every relapse seemed like a death sentence. This was a delusion and a lie. Who was judging me? Not my Higher Power. I was the judge, and again I was making myself the god and center of my world. My Higher Power never stopped desiring a relationship with me. He was and is the real center of the world. He was not concerned about judging me. His intention was to call me away from bondage to lust because it blocked our relationship. For this reason, guilt did not serve me. Guilt distracted my attention from seeking help from my HP and from the help of others in the SA fellowship.
I met my sponsor at an online SA meeting that I had never before attended. The fact that both I and my future sponsor decided to join that same meeting on the same day is evidence of my Higher Power’s love for me. Meeting him came at a time when I felt alone and disconnected, longing to feel loved and understood by my Higher Power.
Trying to control my sexual lust is like trying to predict the weather. Sometimes I can do it successfully. However, most of the time, I fail miserably. Lust is cunning so I end up fooling myself into thinking that I can control it. The measure of my success in controlling lust is the measure of my self-deception that I am able to control it. If I go for an evening without acting out, I magnify it so that it looks like a major breakthrough in my battle against this cunning, baffling, and powerful disease.
There are three essential things that help me be sober. The first is a commitment to surrender every single lust temptation to my Higher Power. The second thing is to associate myself with the SA fellowship at every opportunity. I do this with regular communication with my sponsor, phone calls and meetings with SA members, and constant study of SA literature.
