I attend the regular meetings of my home group every week, but currently, except for me, there are only male fellows there. However, as a “woman and a sexual minority,” I have been accepted into this group and feel like I belong and have a connection.
Some years ago, we started an online Persian SA meeting, which was the first online SA meeting as well as the first mixed meeting in our fellowship in Iran. In the beginning, there were some technical and online cultural issues but overall no major problems.
When I first came to SA and heard about mixed meetings (with both men and women), I thought, if everyone has the same brain as me, it’s gonna be quite a party!
A year ago, I felt apprehensive when I entered my first Zoom meeting because it was mixed. I had a question: How do I stay sober amongst men? What reassured me from the outset was the way the fellows included their sobriety dates when they introduced themselves. But I had no choice in the matter - I had to overcome my fears and keep coming back in order to learn how to stay sober and deepen my recovery, which I did; I continued to attend daily hybrid meetings on Zoom, plus a weekly women-only meeting.
Courage to Change—something that I wasn’t capable of before coming to the program. I was the one who never said ”no” to anyone—I had to prove my worthiness by doing anything anyone wanted me to, and by helping people while forgetting to take care of myself.
“Meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings…” That’s what they told me. “Just keep bringing the body”- preamble to the Eighteen Wheeler. At the end of the meetings I attend we gather in a circle, hold hands, and say together, “keep coming back it works if you work it and you’re worth it.”
I ask God, as I understand him, for the courage to change. When and how do I do this? Every time I pray the Serenity Prayer, that phrase is there. I have liked the Serenity Prayer ever since the beginning of my recovery. We pray it often, in group meetings, in workshops, and at retreats … It says profound things with simple words, but often I will get distracted and simply recite it automatically.
How does one become an oldtimer? It is very simple. Stay sober one day at a time, and do not die. Everything else is detail.
I have been addicted to lust since the age of 14. I was in therapy twice, but I never spoke the truth. I have had several miracle experiences in my life (one really BIG) with my Higher Power, but my HP was judgmental and I feared admitting my addiction to anyone. I tried the white-knuckle method once each year by ridding the computer of porn stash, but I didn’t stop the fantasy and sex with self every day.
I am 71, married with two adult children, and currently living in a country at war. I am not on the battlefield; I don’t have children at home to care for, or children in the military.
