I ask God, as I understand him, for the courage to change. When and how do I do this? Every time I pray the Serenity Prayer, that phrase is there. I have liked the Serenity Prayer ever since the beginning of my recovery. We pray it often, in group meetings, in workshops, and at retreats … It says profound things with simple words, but often I will get distracted and simply recite it automatically.
How does one become an oldtimer? It is very simple. Stay sober one day at a time, and do not die. Everything else is detail.
I have been addicted to lust since the age of 14. I was in therapy twice, but I never spoke the truth. I have had several miracle experiences in my life (one really BIG) with my Higher Power, but my HP was judgmental and I feared admitting my addiction to anyone. I tried the white-knuckle method once each year by ridding the computer of porn stash, but I didn’t stop the fantasy and sex with self every day.
I am 71, married with two adult children, and currently living in a country at war. I am not on the battlefield; I don’t have children at home to care for, or children in the military.
At some point in 2011 I remember hearing about this fellow named David who was sober 25 years and could quote the Big Book, chapter and verse, and worked with a bunch of people as a counselor and as a sponsor. I got online and found a website where I could purchase old recordings from past SA conventions.
A train wreck, that is how those who have seen me enter the program sometimes tend to describe me.The worst part is that I can't even deny it. My life had become unmanageable in all areas. Because of my addiction, I was no longer able to take care of myself in the most basic ways.
“We saw that our problem was threefold: physical, emotional and spiritual. Healing had to come about in all three” (SA 204). As a recovering sexaholic, I have taken this statement from “The Solution” to heart. With a little reflection, I can remember what it was like before coming into the rooms of SA over twenty years ago. This healing can only continue with the program tools of working the Steps and reading literature, going to meetings, working with a sponsor, and the help of group members.
Sexual lust is just one face of the multi-dimensional cube of lust. The word "lust" cannot be confined to a sexual aspect only, as lust is merely a strong urge that governs attitudes. I cannot deny that the concept of lust itself is complex, confusing, and perplexing. How can a limited human encompass what is considered larger and broader? Humans are three-dimensional beings living in a four-dimensional world, while lust is simply a "multi-dimensional" entity.
Trying to control my sexual lust is like trying to predict the weather. Sometimes I can do it successfully. However, most of the time, I fail miserably. Lust is cunning so I end up fooling myself into thinking that I can control it. The measure of my success in controlling lust is the measure of my self-deception that I am able to control it. If I go for an evening without acting out, I magnify it so that it looks like a major breakthrough in my battle against this cunning, baffling, and powerful disease.
There are three essential things that help me be sober. The first is a commitment to surrender every single lust temptation to my Higher Power. The second thing is to associate myself with the SA fellowship at every opportunity. I do this with regular communication with my sponsor, phone calls and meetings with SA members, and constant study of SA literature.
