I joined SA in pandemic times, two years ago, which was a good thing in one way, as there were very many daily Zoom meetings available. This was crucial to safeguarding my physical sobriety, countless times. I got something of a reputation as a strange Brit, who showed up at all hours of the night in USA meetings, for this reason. I saw it as going to any lengths.
I found myself fully confronted with this question back when I started working the Steps in earnest with a sponsor. Up until that time, I had been willing to settle for periodic “lengths” of sobriety. Because I’m an addict and quite insane when I’m lusting, I had figured that was good enough. I believed I could fight against lust.
Dear Essay readers: This issue of Essay includes many stories on Willing to Go to Any Length. You may have heard the expression “Sexaholics Anonymous is for those who want it — not for those who need it.” Your Editors hope these stories can be helpful for those who want it anywhere in the world. As of early August there were about 5,000 downloads of the newly free electronic Essay. Our desire to be a global Meeting in Print is well underway.
First, I’ve got to take responsibility for myself. Of the dozen or so loners in foreign countries I know of who have not been able to stay sober and where groups have not formed, there is one fact in common: They never found their Dr. Bob. That is, they never found one other sexaholic who wanted sobriety. They tried to do it on their own or have it done for them in a ready-made group. They did not come to the desperate willingness to reach out to another and try to help them. That’s where the grace of God comes in to expel the obsession.
One year into my sobriety (thanks to His grace) I began my first ever 90 days of sexual abstinence with my wife. Then my sponsor gave me the following direction: “We want you to give up your right to drive your car, one day at a time.”
My Step One experience brought me to the bedrock belief that I am powerless over lust, that my life had become unmanageable. That powerlessness resulted in a experiential understanding that I had no control anymore over lust. Lust controlled me, and there was nothing I could do in my effort to change that.
Some time ago I found an unusual black box in the dashboard of my car. It was a SatNav (also known as a GPS) with the initials GOD printed on it. I didn’t program this SatNav, and I do not know the destination. God did that.
At the beginning of my plunge to the bottom, everything looked perfect on the outside. I was well educated, successful in business, had a lovely family, traveled frequently on business. It seemed like life was going well. My inner reality was somewhat different. Business travel presented an ideal opportunity to act out of my lustful fantasies.
Conference attendees were asked to write some of their thoughts and experiences on the conference theme—Honesty, Open Mindedness and Willingness—for sharing with the Fellowship at large. The conference organizers and the Essay wish to thank those who shared. Following is a selection from almost 150 submissions.
