The Hallway: A Family Member’s Perspective

A funny (?) thing happened at this year’s Unity Convention in Irvine, CA in October. The hotel where the event was held also booked another major conference. That in itself is not noteworthy, except that the other conference was an international ballroom dancing competition.

The halls that led to our breakout rooms were filled with men and women in incredibly skimpy attire—not the ballroom dancing gowns I remember! Even the public restrooms and lobby were filled with competitors with lots and lots of exposed skin, tight-fitting clothing, and exaggerated makeup. This created a minefield of danger for conference attendees.

But an amazing thing happened. As a member of S-Anon, I noticed that the men and women working hard to recover from lust took extraordinary measures to maintain their sobriety in the face of this unexpected challenge. They found other ways to get to the breakout rooms; they avoided The Hallway at all costs. It was inconvenient and even silly to go outside the hotel and walk all the way around it to get to a door leading directly into the desired room. But they did.

I learned an important lesson: men and women in SA recovery are willing to go to any lengths to stay sober. I know from my own recovery that a single lapse in judgment can lead to a relapse. For a sexaholic, a momentary lustful thought, a small window of porn viewing, masturbation, or one visit to a strip club can lead to a binge of out-of-control behavior. For those of us who do not struggle with sex addiction, this may seem extreme. But for those who must contend with the disease of sexaholism, it can be their reality 24/7.

Staying away from The Hallway means that people don’t:

  • Underestimate their severity and complexity of this disease or over-estimate the ability to control it.
  • Minimize the power of temptation or inflate their ability to resist.
  • Deny that the Hallway exists or deceive themselves into believing that it is safe for them to enter.

So hats off to brave men and women who daily choose the long way around rather than risking the dangers of The Hallway. Yours is a courageous battle with huge implications for failure. Your struggle to maintain sobriety gives me hope.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to know you: brave hearts who daily prove that addiction can be beaten with courage, trust in God, and a tenacious commitment to staying out of the Hallway.

Brenda R., Whittier, CA

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