Why Am I Disturbed?

My name is Scott; I’m a recovering sexaholic serving a 6 1/2 to 13-year prison sentence for sexual abuse. It has been my great privilege to be a sober member of SA since March 24, 2006. Six months prior to incarceration, I joined a home group, found a sponsor, and became determined to practice a new way of life through the Twelve Step program. This formed the foundation that has become the mainstay of my ability to adapt to and change through the prison experience. I repeatedly arrive at the truth that although places like this are meant to break a man’s spirit—the action of grace can rescue us from such a fate. There is nothing stronger than the power of love.

Both Alcoholics Anonymous and Sexaholics Anonymous promise that God will show us how to create the fellowship we crave. And so that’s what I expected to happen. When I landed here, there were only a few men gathering for the purpose of sobriety. We decided to pray that God would help us carry the message. Within two months, our fellowship grew to about thirteen members and went from two weekly meetings to five. We held a group conscience, elected a rotating service structure, adopted a home group name (the “Why Am I Disturbed?” group of SA), and eventually joined an Intergroup. We actively practice all of the Traditions, including the Seventh, and have experienced the wonderful surprise of unity and autonomy while under the forfeit of individual liberty.

The home group has been a sanctuary for us, a place of accountability, sharing, and compassion. Through it, I’ve met men to sponsor. And as incredible as the group has been, it is by the action of sponsorship that I’ve found true freedom. This place is where society casts its unwanted, those it deems as hopeless and worthless. But the truth is that within each one of these men dwells the potential for living a sober, surrendered, and God-inspired life. It has become an honor and sacred duty to show them what I’ve had to do and still do in order to recover. Some make use of it, while others do not. But they’ve all taught me an invaluable lesson: it is not a matter of giving it away to keep it; we must give it away to find it. In the midst of sorrow and sadness, God has given me this purpose. I believe that anyone who is the type of addict I am has been given a similar purpose.

I’ve seen men rise from the pit of despair to discover hope. God has allowed me to be a vehicle for His love, healing my own wounds in the process. The Twelfth Step is truly the gateway to a happy and useful life.

Our group would love to hear from yours. I’ve given my sponsor the go-ahead to share my contact information with anyone who means business (contact Davis C. at saico@sa.org).

You can also contact the Lehigh Valley Reading Area Intergroup (EasternPASA@yahoo.com or 610-682-9622). They’ll be able to get in touch with us. If you know of anyone facing legal problems due to this addiction, feel free to give them my address or, if you yourself need a sponsor, I’m always available.

In love and service,

Scott M.

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