When I first got into SA recovery, I had been attempting for a month to recover—on my own—using a popular Twelve Step study guide, but I was slipping constantly. I happened upon an online SA meeting and posted my complaints about the triggers that were overwhelming me. My sponsor-to-be responded, and within two days, on December 1st, 2006, I was reading Steps One, Two, and Three to my sponsor over the phone for 2 ½ hours, Maine to Texas, sitting in my car.

I had “come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of living life as I had been living it” (Alcoholics Anonymous 25, “There is a Solution”), and there really was nothing left to do when approached by my sponsor, except pick up the simple tools he gave me. I felt fortunate that the first person who approached me had a solution that worked for me: using Alcoholics Anonymous as a basis for working the Steps.

My sponsor spent up to two hours on the phone with me, three to four times each week for the next eight weeks, taking me through all Twelve Steps. He treated my situation as the emergency it was: “We are unable at certain times, no matter how well we understand ourselves, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago” (AA 24). He knew that I was actively mentally preparing for my next acting out adventure, because that’s what addicts do as the memory of the pain begins to subside. My sponsor knew he had to act fast. There was no room for small talk; we had to get down to the business of saving my life.

At first I worried that we were moving too fast. I had learned during years in therapy that I had to give myself time to process problems in my life. But now it occurred to me that this might be one of those preconceived ideas I had to cast aside. I remembered that I didn’t have a clue how to recover from this thing (even with my past AA experience), and that I had better follow my sponsor’s direction. I never said anything to him and just continued on.

What was the result? I had a “vital spiritual experience” (AA 27). The constant chatter in my head (from the resentments, fears, and remorse that ruled me) was gone. An example of the shift that had taken place in me is an experience I had at work shortly after completing the Steps in SA.

I received an email from a coworker that angered me. I immediately fell into my old victim stance and was fuming from the injustice done to me. I started writing my typical snooty reply, but then realized I was indulging in a character defect: reacting in anger. I cancelled the reply but then stood up to share the story of the injustice with my fellow workers. But it occurred to me that I couldn’t do that either! I was falling into another character defect: collecting pity for myself. So I sat back in my chair, closed my eyes, and took an inventory of my anger. I saw my part and asked God to remove my shortcomings. Then I went back to work. That was a pretty drastic shift. Since then I have been able to habitually respond to upsets with an inventory instead of automatically resorting to my character defects as the solution.

I recently heard someone share in a meeting, “If I just keep coming to meetings and talking about my problems, I’ll get what I need.” But, for me, I’ve found that the only solution to my problems is to “turn to the entire Twelve Steps for the answer” (12&12 111). I have found that if I turn to the Steps whenever I run into a problem, God provides a way to resolve it. By way of the Steps, I turn my ideas about how the problem should be handled (my willfulness) over to God, thereby unblocking the flow of the Spirit, so He can solve the problem. The Steps get me, with all of my self-centeredness, out of the way, and provide a solution that helps everyone involved, not just me.

Today I feel that I’ve been “rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence” (AA 25). It is a miracle and I am proof that miracles do happen—especially as a result of working the Steps.